Remember, remember this

Think of your wish.
Remember, remember this.
See nature at your doorstep
With a hunger to ask for more.
Know that sunrises are more precious
when you tend to wake-up late.
Believe that belly-laughs are powerful
Enough to break down walls.
Embrace your large family tightly.
All are brothers, summer sisters now.
Understand that love is never waning
as you give it free as breath.
Hold on to this in those dark nights,
Being so far from this home.
When the questions seal your lips
Think of your wish.
Remember, remember this.

Question

How is it the silence breaks;
Why my hands no longer shake!
Who can know and honestly say
Where she is passing on her way.
What does the absence speak to thee
When these question marks completed me?

Wordsmyth

No word I speak marks word on page
To pronounce what hopes I wish to say.
I would read you poetry if you knew
how much each lyric heavy-hearted weigh.

And people say I read to much
I look for a world beyond my door
And yet no matter what I read
I am still longing for something more.

Perhaps I hold too much tragedy
For tonight I read the saddest lines
When even true love I see can fade
And every fair sometime declines

Yet somehow I love with words so deep
Words of gladness and not of woes
But how my cheek still blushes pink
to think of my love as a damask rose

Words and pride are all I have
when all I breathe is breathing you.
Still I doubt the words upon my lips
Because reading words can't make them true.

Countless volumes cannot help me now
Though countless, say I, is love for him.
Shamed am I to lay down love
And wake Diana with a hymn.

And all my words from borrowed ink
can't spill the secret no one knows.
Three spoken words from tongue and lips
can speak to you my heart's true prose.

I find the choice is mine to make
or to sweep under the rug beneath.
Shall I make our story a happy end
or a happy daggers bitter sheath?

Poem to a Mute Woman

I tell him
I'm just fine
When I speak no words
that you can hear
I write poems
which you don't read
that call out love
for you.
Will I ever
find
my
voice?
And stop being
Mute
Mute in love
So obvious
Until then
I'll wait for that day
That day when I will
Speak.

The Hole

Digging down to make a life,
I dug one hole and named it.
I stayed at the edge of the hole,
Waiting calmly, yet impatient.
Weeks went by and I forgot
The hole I christened awhile back.
Until I embarked out one day
To follow along a lost one's track.
And though I was the only one
Who named the hole I fell into
Too long ago I named it "love"
And so I fell for you.

Glass

I.

Breathe your life on the glass.
Write her name in the mist.
Question your hopes while it fades,
Clutch your heart inside your fist.

Your brown eyes have seen so little
Comparably, your right brain knows so much.
Still you unearth your dirty doubt
of a soul you couldn't touch.

While your tenacity keeps fading,
like the mist upon the glass,
You continue to ponder loves validity
if indeed it too shall pass.

Wonder aloud I beg you.
O please wonder this to me.
Allow me to be the friend you needed
That your lover could never be.


II.

Beat your chest in mourning.
Give up on love forgot.
Maybe one day you will realize
That all you've given is for not.

But no friendly words can matter
and no touch has felt the same
for you to regain your heart
from its totalitarian claim.

Now her name is gone for certain
from that sallow window pane
But when you see her face before
You shall breathe it out again.

All I ask is for the message
Not on windows but in voice.
Tell me how she made you fall,
whether it be force or choice.


III.

Shatter the glass with your fist.
Yes, the one that holds your heart.
Then release it upon the world
So your new life can start.

Amandla

Paint my mantra on your wrist
to transform the current view
of my weakness in your eyes.
You won't question when I'm through.

Sing Amandla, in a foreign tongue
Hear a chant from long ago
Amandla, memeza amandla!
The seeds of strength I sow

Welcome to my free-land.
Grow grace, pick peace, plant power
To stand up to fear and submission,
A law for hope and not cower.

Sing Amandla, a lover's cry
Dance in the flame of calling
Amandla, memeza amandla!
Through time of trouble falling

Until my declaration dies
among the embers of the past
My grip is unwaivering.
Amandla iculo ami at last.

Light Honesty, Heavy Truth

It's my fault you don't feel the weight
of my fear and heavy hope
playing the blame game with your needs.
But can you hold me to my faultless fear
When you still see her in the corner of your eye
At least from time to time.
While your honesty so lightly said makes me shudder,
I am paying for my bravery; pound for pound.
Now I know I cannot tip the scales
with merely loving you more than she.
'Cause when you smell the summer air
You can feel your fingers across her skin.
Each blue sky reminds you of her eyes
And although my wobbling words are heavy
Her ever lofty airs prevail.
Yet my will grows braver still
Since I finally know you do not read me.
I love you so much I cannot have you.
I have doomed us from the start.
So blame me if you must.

Nothing Better

I can think of nothing better
than the grass between my toes,
or the sunshine on my cheeks
with some dirt upon my knees.

Nothing can be better than
a picnic on the hillside,
feeding the geese white bread
and climbing oak trees.

There is nothing better than
listening to the beach break,
watching lightening crack
the sky still full of stars.

And yet nothing is better than
glowing color on our skin,
A lake all to ourselves
near a rock harbor bay.

I can think of nothing better
than these days I do remember.
How can anything be better
than when I am with you?

Amen

The end of this struggle
At last, the last
Of questions of night
and day, today.
And I kneel to make
my peace. The piece
of loneliness I hold
here. Hear?
This is the end of
wonder. Wonder
aloud to the sky's
blue lie. I lie
on grass to see
the past. Past
my feeble prayer to say
Amen to a man.

The Bumble-Bee

I saw a bumble-bee today
after a long, long winter.
He is my hope to end the cold
and the promise of the season.
Summer soon, says he, so soon.
He adroitly rides the cool wind
Spreading the pollen dream:
planting possibility in my heart
To germinate in my soul.
So I shall befriend him first,
Invite him with my flora-scent.
Then warmth with follow after
because yellow-black promise he
assures there will be flowers.

The Hug

O, wrap your arms around me;
Move our bodies closer in.
Can you hear my heart is singing?
'Cause it's the closest we've ever been.

Muddled Musings

It just makes such perfect sense
For me to drop my sly pretense
'Cause its such a faultless fit
Even though I won't admit
It to you or to your ear
Even when I see your tear

Crying for just what I need.
All I know is lust and greed.
But now I know you and now
I scared to move somehow
Love is simple when you fall
Still it makes me feel so small

When I'm down here all alone
Could you roll away the stone?
So you can see that this is it
Oh yes, I found the perfect fit.
And still you cannot see
Logic would dictate, you with me

But I know love is not logical
though it's not merely physiological.
Love, I find, is blind
To the thoughts inside my mind
When I try and block the urge
I can't control the sudden surge

Of liquid through my veins
And the sensation still remains
Locked in a state of needing
And neither push is succeeding.
Now I'm waiting for a green light
so I can continue with this sad fight

and maybe know that you can care
Run your fingers through my hair
Whisper something to me soft
and quite being so aloft
Trace the palm of my hand
I am sure you'll understand

Just when you and I collide
To know what I feel like inside.

Your Day

Your day has come and gone,
The one they promised you so long ago.
Did you let it slip on by
Or did you cherish every sigh?
Did you even realize it?

Why are you still hanging on?
Stop look forward to tomorrow
And quit hating your yesterdays.
It's all over and done.
You missed your day.

Still you're living for tomorrow
When nothings promised but today.
So your day is over with.
You have nothing left to miss.
It's your life. Start living it!

I Want To Be the Thought

I want to be the thought
that lingers softly
in the dark shadows of your mind.

I want to be the thought
that makes you smile
when you are all alone.

I want to be the thought
that holds you together
in times of struggle.

I want to be the thought
that smothers you in the night
when we are long apart.

I want to be the thought
that makes you cry
when happiness overcomes.

I want to be the thought
that you never have to question
because I am always thinking of you.

Quicksand

Don't tell me that you've faltered again.
I don't care to here your excuses anymore.
You didn't just trip by accident;
You threw yourself down at his feet again.
I bite my tongue for you just once
when I didn't say I told you so, right then.

That boy is quicksand.
He thrives on your struggle
And the harder you pull
The deeper you sink
you sink
you sink

Can't say you shock me but you disappoint
And I find that I hate him
When the hate I feel should be yours.
It's not my place to be strong for you.
Pull yourself out this time.
I'm no longer your rope, anymore.

That boy is quicksand.
The deeper you plunge
And the more you submerge
You just give in
give in
give in

Won't be moved by your pleas
When the tragedy you love calls
And the one you feel nothing for
Is valued more than your self-worth.
You know what you must do
Is what you should have done long ago.

That boy is quicksand.
Struggle, girl, struggle.
You've already given him all
Now you're gone
you're gone
you're gone

Poison Rationality

In times like these, Fate chips me,
Whittles away my fortitude,
Bit by stubborn bit of self-resilience.
O, to learn what freedom is
And allow it to fall,
But I am too strong.
I curse my tight grip,
I rue my intensity,
And I hate my might.
Take back your burden!
I carry enough for ten,
Yet you push on more
When I still carry my own.
Doom, you are a cruel tyrant
And Fate, you are a blind lover.
Release me from my duty of strength,
That's leading me to hate.
I haven't known liberty
Since I've known life.
My stomach burns acid,
My heart aches blood and
My brain leaks poison rationality.
Too much, O please, too much.
I do not know what is worse:
The electric-dull pain
Or knowing I will be just fine
If only my eyes would cry.

Ohdee

We carried you home in a big brown box.
I was small and you were smaller.
My black n' white puppy, crying out next to me
in the backseat of our old red van.
We named you Our Dog.
I cupped your small body in my little hands,
Smiling at you in your big box,
I tickled your nose with my long brown hair
And you stopped your crying
Just as, years later, you tickled my toes
with your rough tongue when I cried.
We grew up together;
You grew old alone.

When I was ten, you bite me.
Our brother jumped on you from the monkey bars.
I forgave you the scar on my wrist
before you even begged.
A year later was the fever
that shook our brother late at night.
I held you tight as the sirens sounded,
locked in my room of pink.
We learned unconditional love together;
I learned to say "goodbye" alone.

I remember the first tumor.
I remember when you limped.
I remember the darkness in your eyes
And the first time I called
but you did not come.
I hugged you because I knew.
So I immortalize you with my words.
We learned pain together;
You learned release alone.

To My Confidant

Move my heart to move
In the direction of my intentions.
Can you help my arms to hold
my love without "I love you?"
What's your reaction to my inaction
When you assure what seems unsure?
Still I speak my truthless speech
And I quiet my disquietude.
O, are you mad at my madness?
I expect that, respect that, accept that.
Because in the end I always reach my ends.
So be strong and give me strength.
I'm sane toward my insanity,
Yes, I believe the unbelievable.
Still you dare me to be daring.
I will do what I must do.

Homoiousion

I love not wisely...
Is it the same with you?
I feel pain sharper.
You hold on longer.
Me too, oh yes, me too.
What makes us so different from all of them?
Strength of character...
Yes, I see.
A bit more perceptive,
Do you agree?
Charmed or cursed, you wonder aloud.
We feel harder, with more force
Ignorance is not bliss
when you know what life is.
So true, yes true...
Let's learn, you and I,
We can't save them all.
Can we save each other first?
I'll die for beauty, brother,
You'll fight for truth.
Do you feel the tide rise...
Yes, do you feel it?
I do, I do.
Stick with me,
Stay strong so we don't settle.
We're not alone when we're together.
Hold these truths tightly:
People like us are a rare breed indeed.
Just nod your head if you agree...

Evolution

Look backwards through the microscope

A world of bigger things
Or to the blind of naked eye
My gene to code for wings.

Speak Low

Hear me out.
Just listen.
I have something to say
Now I've finally found my voice.
There are no words
but in layman's terms
I'm in love with you so bad.

(Nameless)

Friend without friendship
With nothing but hot yearnings
Beneifts don't outweigh loss

Villanelle

How do you feel about your plight?
More than a mother to a broken son
by keeping him in your failing sight.

You feel destiny's bitter bite
When the realities weigh a ton
And his disabilities hold on tight.

And he holds one with all his might,
Your charge, your burden, your son.
Try to break free without a fight.

So you stay up late into the night
Until your work is never done
And yet you still rise with first light.

But where do you draw your delight
When the battle is all but won?
Isn't some happiness still your right?

Yet you don't give up the fight
Until your maternal chore is done.
On the horizon is a light
Move forward, but stay in sight.

Sestina for the Girl in a Blue Dress

There is a quiet sunset on the lake,
where serenely is a girl
in a pale blue, flowing dress
fanned out against the dock,
with polka dots like tears.
She watches the sun go behind the trees.

Her home lays beyond those trees,
A white house across lake
beautiful enough to bring tears
to anyone who knows this girl
or sees her on the dock
wearing her pale blue dress.

A pleasant gift, that dress,
that still smells of evergreen trees,
found lonely on the dock
with its owner in the lake.
Unclothed and unfaltering, the girl
swims in the lake of her tears.

Let no one see your tears
her mother said, fixing her dress.
Woman now, not merely a girl
who scrapes her knees climbing trees.
So she cries into the lake
at sunset, sitting on the dock.

Today, near that old dock,
She shamelessly sheds her tears
while swimming in the lake
without disrepute or her dress,
protected from others by the trees
Embracing who she was as a girl.

She doesn't act like a girl;
now basking in the fading sun on the dock
staring up at the overhanging trees.
Washed clean of tears
and of her formal dress,
Here in her happy place on the lake.

Who can know her eyes have tears
unless they see her on the dock
crying and hiding her feelings in the lake?

Luminary

Who wishes on stars anymore?
Children, I say.
But I do, too. When I look up
and the night is clear
I wish to be far-flung from city's
Glow in your eyes:
A childish nightlight.
The stars are distant, sure.
Distant but real, I'm reassured.
Is there ground for those stars?
They float without direction
Save for their own gravity-pull.
I see a star.
I make my wish.
Is that a shooting star or satellite?

I Love Deeper than Pink and Red

I love deeper than pink and red
I love in oranges, greens and blues
I break away from the color code
And think of romance in new hues

I love with more than just my heart
I love with shoulders, knees and hands
I break away from loving one piece
And think of love the body understands

I love more fragrant than a rose
I love in mint, grass and sweat
I break away from the passion scent
And think of a smell I can't forget

I love brighter than your jewels
I love in darkness, twilight and sun
I break away from material things
And think of two that keeps as one

I love in flavors that aren't sweet
I love in bitterness, salt and sour
I break away from the chocolate box
And think of a love I can devour

I love for longer than a day
I love in January, September and May
I break away from the time control
And think of everyday as a love-holiday

Milestone

I was innocent
but I've reached that point

Like a child that waited
Ten years old dreaming
of a sweet sixteen
The birthday came
Still the same person
that I was five minutes
Before.


I was innocent
but I never was pure

A simple question of honesty
now that I can't go back
So I'll go forward
And take with me
what I can carry
Until I reach my end
and a new day
Begins.


I was innocent
but...

Ice thaws
Iron rusts
Mountains crumble
And earths collide

I was innocent
but nothing ever lasts forever.

Grandpa

You sleep in your warm climate
Battle wounds have earned you these;
A little slice of home
on an alligator swamp.
The children visit when they can.
They come from a cold place
you haven't seen in years.
Change to you is moving mountains
but you've lived in many lands;
Waving good-bye to Little Boy,
holding out in bomb shelters.
Freedom from Depression
yet the horrors of the war
your grandchildren see everyday
raised by the black box of flashing lights.
These atomic babies don't grow
in your nuclear families
and the things that you have fought for
are not bedtime stories.
Still there are stories to tell,
but they look at you with haggard eyes
"Respect you elders" falls on dead ears.
Technology's offspring
that share your genes and blood
but they have misplaced your memoirs.
Who said history is written
by the winners of wars?
Or maybe all is lost.

Stupid Girl

Wait for love, she said
It will come, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

He is here, she said
I don't fear, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

It's all right, he said
Stay the night, he said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

It feels right, she said
I'll hold tight, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

Sure there's pain, she said
But there's gain, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

I love you, she said
Love you too, he said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

Good-bye, he said
But why, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

Now he's gone, she said
I was wrong, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

Evensong

On a beach of shell and stone, to clean soiled body with salted foam
And at the ocean's saline touch I find an eager yet reluctant home.
Alas, the sea repels the touch of flesh and coasts away from land
The water, as well, resists the shore and pushes beyond sand

O farewell, my sea. Farewell to thee.
I shall miss the words you held to me;
Your hushing whisper in the night,
your clean waters and caps of white.

And yet the Sun, she warms the face, the waves of longing failed to subdue
My eyes go wayward from biddable sight to bare the ocean in her view
And thinking, now, as I did then about the water's green delight
I wish to hug the liquid's edge and dive into my love tonight

O farewell, my land. Farewell to you.
I restore the love I stole from you.
Your leafy limbs and live embrace,
Your worshipped earth of soil and grace.

I swim out with the tide, undulating en masse, as if the sea would seethe,
but cannot give all to the heightening tide as long as I still breathe.
The depths encircle my body's frame, and cuddle my closing lung
In fading light and numbing water, my evensong is sung

O farewell, my life. Farewell to all.
My love will catch me as I fall.
And as my rosy heart dies cold
In water's love, I shall unfold.

If Not for You

If not for you...
I'd still be green
I'd not know love
I'd stay unseen.
If not for you...
I'd be naive
I'd follow blindly
I'd still believe
If not for you...
I'd still hold on.
You may leave but
I'll move on
If not for you...
for me.

Hot Spell

I.

No snow sheaths creation
To lie about Earth's flaws,
just smoky clouds that billow
and tuck away my stars.
The grass begins its turning,
but the time has not come,
Buds peak out of branches
where lights are still hung.
I beg them to hide themselves,
This heat wave will not last,
but nature never listens
She follows her own path.
A frost is coming quickly
It will kill the vulnerable
so I wait another season
for the maturing of my love.

II.

I feel the change in climate
Of a spring that's come too soon.
Every sense echoes excitement
But my calendar stays full.
The changing grass-green,
The sun's impassioned heat
Unquestionable hot spell
leaving my resistance weak.
Muddying warm clarity
As I marvel at the weather,
Seemingly so certain
in this mock-season of change.
But the plants embrace the heat wave
and the animals thrive in packs.
Who am I to question
whether this warmth will last?

On Love and Happiness

When I speak to you
Near dead in the night
Your soul burns out,
but my fire ignites.

The words you say
taste like water it seems.
You can sleep for days
but you don't have dreams

You say you want a love
That will last for all time.
You say you like poetry
but you cannot hear the rhyme.

You place love on a dais
so high you cannot reach.
I tell you what love is,
You tell me not to preach.

"If love isn't enough,
When love is all we got.
You can love somebody,
and still be forgot."

I want you to see it,
Once and for all,
We cannot all be happy
When that final curtain falls.

[Sighs Run Deep Tonight]

Sighs run deep tonight
As an icy gale cuts through the bare trees
That shiver in the cold.
What secrets lay buried beneath that snow?
Would you melt to see
The love and longing for cherished summer?
The fear of reckoning?
Imagine me, tearing you from winter's embrace.
Endless and hopeless;
That grip may feel to me, the one without
The truth or heat
To melt the smothering white that holds you.
But the mask works
To protect me from the hurt that hearts may have
When feelings lay
Bare and uncovered like the trees around us.
Snow banks cling
To the flowerbeds and my bed stays cold.
Winter continues
As I struggle to bury my love with reason
And sickening snow
To beg the silence of my greedy glances.
I cannot thaw the fact,
For I fear the end of more than snow and ice,
But a light from you
Could be my ethereal melting point...

Decay

When darkness reigned at sunrise there,
Nor' gaily gleamed the lofty moon,
A seed, planted in earthy hole,
Is lulled to sleep by the crying loon

In a womb made of angry ashes
a germ grows from the mixing firth
Conferring life back, forth from ruin
in a tide pool of death and birth.

At lazy lilies, I do not wonder,
too picturesque a path they lay.
Yet, tears I shed in joy and marvel
when the same sad flowers decay

Hence when my rhythmic beating ceases,
'though the birds still sing their songs,
Lay me in the lake made basin
by the willow, green and long.

To Wait for Wine

He steals grapes from my vineyard,
A bird not the same color
Yet always the same.
Just when they've grown to ripeness,
Juicy and plump on the vine;
A violent purple absorbing sun,
The bird comes to snatch it away.

He guilts me with his hunger
As he tries to thieve my fruit.
So I question my resilience,
Perhaps he needs this more than I.
But it's not about survival
It his gluttony that drives
when he flies over my vineyard
So to red his beak with lust.

Yet this bird, he is persistent,
In his gathering of my crop.
He gorges while I wait
to turn the grapes to wine.
I'll ferment them in oak barrels
as they soak in patience and passion.
But I must pick before the frost.

A Walking Contradiction

I am here, but I am gone
I am weak, yet I am strong
I am smart, but I act dumb
I have feelings yet I'm numb

A walking contradiction
An oxymoron brought to life
Truth strange as fiction
Getting pleasure from strife

I am powerful, but helpless still
I scare easy, yet I live for the thrill
I am hopeful, but I've lost trust
I am innocence buried in lust

A walking contradiction
An oxymoron brought to life
Truth strange as fiction
Getting pleasure from strife

I change but stay the same
I am wild yet I am tame
I give advice that I don't take
I'm made of glass but I don't break.

The Edge of the World

I've found the edge of the world
Right in my backyard.
I have heard the journeys of others to its brink
And learned of their fall to the world beyond.

Yet I have often imagined this scene,
I never imagined I would find it here so soon.
Right where I live, I find it;
The sharp end of the world.

I haven't dared look over the rim.
I'm not afraid,

But I wouldn't go alone.

Monochrome

White innocence blankets the earth's green glory

Locking all in a monochromatic life
Beauty lies in colors;

Fresh flowers
Sunsets
Fallen Foliage

Save your purity pallid snow
I defy your neutral existence

For as long as I have vision,

I will use your blankness as a canvas for my dreams.
And when you slowly melt away

My dreams will lie below;

Fresh flowers
Sunsets
Fallen Foliage

A reverie made reality.
I will dance in my world of color
Until you wash the earth clean once more with white.

Then I begin again.

The Fall

Changing hues on dead branches,
Color me the leaves of the trees
As I paint the orange horizon.
These are changes he never sees.

The Sun has abandoned me
He pines too much for the Moon.
Now, I only have the memories
of the heat we felt in June.

Without the Sun, I'm failing.
The branches loosen their hold.
I'm carried on the autumn wind
in the brightest shade of gold.

The fall is a sickening spiral.
It's freedom, so why does it hurt?
I land among the other leaves
and together we form the dirt.

I'm whole with something once again.
We're death of love below.
I lay in our freezing sarcophagus
of heartache, ice and snow.

A Place in Your Heart

I've tried to work this out.
How you could love her,
When I'm right here
Waiting,
Loving with each breath.
She is who you chose,
The tie-breaker,
The heartbreaker.
I'm stuck with a red ribbon
But your favorite color is blue.
Where is she now?
Moved on to the next race,
Just another competition along the way.
I'm right here,
But where does this leave me?
I won't stay just because I'm here with you,
When she's not.
I was never meant for the gold in this event,
And I guess love just wasn't my sport.

Encore

Click, clop, click
Echo the shoes across the black wood floor...

Empty rows
Staggered, faded burgundy seats in open air...

Darkened stage
Between heavy, red curtain and curtain hang...

Dry atmosphere
Inhaled now as was with lights and costume...

Words linger
And reverberate between the walls and sky...

Light shines
Through the memory to make it real again...

The Physicist

He feels its weight upon him
Pulling stronger with passing day
Watching the red sphere meet horizon
As the sand is sifted away

The closer he gets to the gateway
The farther he gets from himself
Forgetting those things he memorized
From those faded texts on the shelf

The clear cut equations and order
Have fallen in the cracks of his mind
He never had time to look for
The things he'd been hoping to find

Physics is failing for him
Fading like his fallen fame
Slipping deeper into darkness
While fanning the dying flame

Now the apple is falling upwards
The planets crash into the sun
No tear sheds the cold mother
Nor comfort for her nameless son.

Pine Road

She sits where the street turns
On the grass by Pine Road.
She watches as the cars pass,
Counting
And hugging her knees to her chest.

Spring is dawning,
But Winter's bite still lingers
As nature blooms around her corner.
Changing
And growing when the weather permits

She waits for it to reach to her
From beyond this street
She is not allowed to cross.
Come
And pull up her driveway on Pine Road.

Invocation

If not this, then what?
If not now, then when?
If not you, then who?

A Blank Slate

What horrible things have my ancestors done?
I do not know for sure.
I am not sure I want to know at all.
It was not me,
But that blood runs through me
That same blood that flows through all
the children of the cradle of life;
Diluted by pigment.
White.
Is it absence or all of color?
Empty or clean?
Black.
Perfect or Dirty?
No word satisfies.
Humanity and I need a blank slate.
White or Black?

Understanding

I need more time to think.
Time to form these thoughts
That have been bubbling up from beneath
The surface of my soul for years.
Today I'm one step closer to understanding.
But I still need more time.
I still need an open mind,
Before I can free my soul.
It all makes sense, these bits
And pieces that I have put together,
But it's not finished. It probably never will.

Still, my soul feels lighter than before,
While my mind weighs in. Heavy.
Raised by the Earth; understanding Her,
Loving Her, is why.
How can any mere man tell
Me what He asks of me?
How can denial of the beauties He has given,
Being me closer to His side?
No building of man is the sole house of God.

My soul is on fire!
But not by sin, for fire is like all on Earth,
Inherently good.
It is when good things are taken as a right
Instead of a gift, that the the use of good things
becomes bad.
I understand, but I need time.
I know no mortal who can wield the power of God.
No human with the omnipotence of Him.
Instead all things are too be loved,
All things have an essence,
All things are equal,
But all things will never be understood.
Only God has that power,
For me to even feign it, is hypocrisy,
But I know you won't find it with that blindfold on,
Because the man that leads,
Is wearing one too.

January

Snow lies thin on the streets,
Don't know where snow ends
And ice begins.
Driving toward awkward conversations,
An icy stomach and hot cheeks.
I watch the streetlights;
Red, green, yellow
And red again,
More slowing us down than moving us forward.
The leather seat feels cold
As I try to warm my hands over the vent.
I move nearer to the destination
As our green SUV drives on.
With a sharp turn to the right,
A building bitter, but beautiful comes to view.
We park between a red minivan
And a yellow bug.
Wind changes to a grand room
Warmed by fire but chilled by sadness
Greeting friends with smiles is greeted by guilt
But it's not my fault.
I'm sorry still.
Idol chit-chat, meaningless
But with arctic undertones.
Walking through the line of mourners in black
To shake your hand.
I'm sorry, though it's not my fault.
Wordless as my turn draws near
I stare blankly at the green carpet
But it does not inspire.
"You're so much braver than I,
I'm here for you even though I've been gone.
I'm sorry." It's entirely my fault
That I can't say those words.
A nod and a hug,
Forgive my cold, red hands.

Time Bomb

I look behind me
And see the rubble.
Face forward
Can't see through the smoke
Of smoldering past:
Loved.
Forgotten.
Lost then missed.
Pushing forward past the ruins,
The wasted purity of the earth,
Stained by the bombs.
The ashes rain down on my hair,
While they burn my bridges
So close behind me,
Melting the rubber on my shoes.
Moving forward,
Must move beyond.
Can't escape,
The destruction follows behind.
So quick, I cannot linger.
Onward.
Though the smoke stings my eyes
And the burning tears fall.

Holding My Breath for an Illusion

Once again I find myself lying here
Grasping at the pillow
Buried in the sheets
Don't know how much longer I can wait
I haven't met you
Haven't touch you
I don't even know if you exist
Are you there anywhere
but inside my mind?
Or am I holding my breath for an illusion?
A heart that can love
Without loving anything
Must be destinies for the love that it cries for
But what if I'm not
What if you aren't there?
What if you never come and take me away
Happy endings aside
I need you there
I need someone there so my tears aren't in vain
A man of passion
Of genius, of love
I don't ask for a White Knight, I ask for you
Every flaw
Every scar
A reason for me to love you more
Though it might kill me
I will wait longer
Please, hurry to me. I will die if you don't come.

Maybe

Maybe if
Life was simple
Maybe if you were true
Maybe I could have my way
Maybe I could get through to you
Maybe someday
Maybe now
Maybe, somehow,
You could be
More than just a maybe
To me

The Keeper of the Dead

Too Young

I rack my young brain for answers.
Forming opinions
From the experiences I've got.
It's not easy being here
When half the country is against you.
It's hard to make your judgments
With each side
Spewing lies,
Destroying the process
With their infantile games.

I watch the news,
Heated by debate
And fueled by anger.
Half saying the other is misinformed,
While both of them lie,
Like little children
Haggling for candy.
Cheating, shouting and whining again.
No matter the outcome
The pettiness won't end.
Impassioned, yes
But passion misplaced.
To stand against the populace
But not to be attacked,
Is to stand silent, not heard.

Eighteen years
Is eighteen years too young
For such a decision, some say
Yet you're the ones
Who deny others
Their sacred right
You bully, you tattle and you brag
Like kids on a playground
Playing too rough

But I'm to one who is too young.

Saying the Words

Why did it have come to this?
Everything has fallen into remiss
You say that it will be okay
And it's always different the other way

But saying the words doesn't make it so
And here are things you need to know
Our love for you will never change
But the way you're acting just seems strange

The truth is lost behind the eclipse
As you insert words into our lips
Words of which we don't know how
Saying we don't love you now

But saying the words doesn't make it so
There's still so much that we don't know
This all seems fine from you point of view
Doing things you said you'd never do

Please step out from inside the fog
We never said that you were wrong
You say that things are under control
And you're better off on the whole

But saying the words doesn't make it so
You still have so much more to grow
We're not telling you, that you are bad
But you're wasting everything we had

Try to look at it from where we stand
All we're trying to do is understand
We only question for your own good
When you do things you said you never would

I guess saying the words doesn't make it so
We'll just have to work it out as we go...

So Different Now

Isn't strange how things always change?
Just when you think you have it all figured out
With a simple exchange; a turn of the page
Everything you know is turned inside-out.
I look at you now but I just can't see
That person that I used to know back when
Inseparable friends, you and me
So different now, because that was then

Now I see that you've taken a turn for the worst
Taking dumb chances without weighing the dangers
In everything, now, you jump in head first
Turning close friends into complete strangers
I'm telling you this because I worry for you
These mistakes you've made, you're making again
Repeating the past while you're starting anew
So different now, when that was then

I'm asking you, simply, to look around
And tell me if you approve of your change
Now we sit in darkness, not making a sound
But, in honesty, this all seems rather strange
Please just remember the fun days we had
So somehow we can go back to then
Making everything good out of bad
So 'different now' won't happen again.

Poem to a Blind Man

I tell myself
I'm used to this
When you look at me
but you don't see
You listen to me
but you don't hear
When I call out
for you.
Will you ever
feel
like
me?
And stop being
Blind
Blind to something
so obvious
Until then
I'll wait for that day
That day when you will
See.

My Childhood Lies in Ruins

My childhood lies in ruins
It is the swing that hangs by one chain
And the jungle gym set in pieces on the ground
I watch the weeds grow
They grow around my memories quickly
Covering up the past so easily as time moves on
The playground is overgrown
With grass and dandelions that grow in patches
They were with the younger me before she passed
I want go back to then
When life was simple and fun didn't end
But my childhood is still slipping from my grasp
Recess is over
It been over for years but not forgotten
Now it's gone completely, a memory of happier times
I cry for my loss of time
But I still watch the clock ticking away the days
As my last moments are wasted on wishing for more

I Miss You

It's been two years since I've seen your face
I picture you now but you disappear
Time has darkened your image in my mind
Making what was once vivid, unclear
I wish with all my soul to see you now
But when I try I fail and fall again
Then the despair grips me and I give in
I fall willingly and relive the pain
I left you at sixteen and moved forward
I'm growing up and you are frozen
Stuck in time and in my mind, you live
Forever a freshmen; a could've been

I don't want your memory to fade from me
But the clouds of time are rolling in
And when the rain comes it washes you away
So I must leave you buried within
I watch the time with the eyes of a woman
Years will go by and years have gone
I'm struggle to hold on as the seasons change
Others have left you; they must move on
How can I blame them for leaving so fast?
We are still children after all
And the grief sweeps in as we think of you
So much pain it hurts to recall

Sometimes I want to forget how you died
And just simply think of you
But for some reason, it pains me more
If I try but I can't see you
There are some nights when I've dreamt of you
You hold me while I sit and cry
A small favor given by your midnight visits
But in the morning, another lie
These years have brought on clarity anew
Only love will bring us through
And when the next two years pass me by
Please know, Jared, I miss you

Serenity

I watch as the gentle brook feeds the lake
And I wonder how something so large
Depends on something so small

I smell the scent of fire; burning pine
And I wonder if any aroma could ever
Bring back as sweet of memories

I watch the dragonflies dance on the water
And I wonder if, over the centuries,
Their dance has ever changed

I feel the warm wind against my skin
And I wonder, truly, if what I feel
Is the gentle breath of God

I watch the rocks break the water's flow
And I wonder how long it will take
Before the water breaks the rocks

I take in the world that lay before me
And I wonder if anything could be
More serene or beautiful than this

Home

Each year I go back home
And dream my summer away
It may not be my real address
But it's where you'll find my heart
So what is home but a relative term
For home is where your family is

Each year I meet my family
And play my summer away
They may not be blood related
But they love me just the same
So what is family but a relative term
For a family is people who love

Each year I go where I am loved
And laugh my summer away
They may not have a reason
but they love me anyway
So love is not a relative term
Because when I'm loved I'm home

Giving Back

From the day you're born, people give to you
They give but never take
They smile and cheer and wait for you
They applaud all the progress you make
They watch you grow into the life you live
And as you live you learn
It seems that all they do is give
But get so little in return
You notice how much these people care
And help you become who you are
You know they may not always be there
But they'll never be too far
Because what they give stays with you
And helps you through the years
It makes you want to give some too
And wipe away other's tears
Then you get your chance, one day
To pass on the love you've got
So you help others on their way
And grow to love them a lot
The more you give you come to find
That the ones you love, love back
And with each person that you are kind
You see you get more when giving back

Don't Say Good-bye

It's Graduation day today
When summer ends you'll be on your way
It's hard to believe it's gone so fast
And all of our memories fall into the past
It amazes me to think of next year
Going to classes without having you near
Things won't be the same without you around
And I can't let go of the friendship I've found

So laugh with me; don't say goodbye
Let's stop searching for answers to why
Time moves slow when it should go fast
But speeds so quickly to the day I'll see you last
Could we have just one more year?
Perhaps we could stay forever here
Because the future is blurry; it scares me to see
What life has in store for you and for me

So hit the breaks for a moment; ease up off the gas
Because I don't wanna spend life looking to the past
Let's wait for a moment and take it all in
If we can't then this is a race I don't want to win
I've got all I need with you at my side
So slow down a little; let's try to decide
How we can stretch these moments on
And try to stop the approaching dawn

But in the end; life goes on
And one of these days I know you'll be gone
All I can say is, on that day
When you leave me to find your way
On your own; wherever you roam
I hope you always find your way home
And there I'll be waiting for you, my friend
Just because we're apart doesn't mean this has to end.

For the Graduating Seniors

One Tear Falls

One tear falls; I wipe away before they see
Before they get the chance to see the weakness inside of me
Because of my pride it is so difficult to reveal
It's so hard to show anyone, how I really feel

The heart in my chest may be breaking in two
But you won't ever see me shed a tear or cry in front of you
So I'll bury my feelings deep down inside again
They could resurface but I don't know where or when

I am scared of nothing but I always feel afraid
And from their critical eyes, I am trying to evade
Keeping what lies within me right where it belongs
Speaking to no one of my sad and lovely songs

I wanted to feel nothing and this wish is coming true
That's what happens when I try to hide myself away from you
I guess should feel sadder, now that I am turning numb
But when offered a life unfeeling, it's so easy to succumb

The pain is gone away now but the joy has left me too
I move about like a shadow with my vision all askew
This isn't what I wanted if I could I would feel fear
But I can't so what I'll shed for you is one small, simple tear.

Midnight Soft

Midnight soft is how I love you
Like a secret in the night
Moonlight sweet is how I need you
Whether it be wrong or right

When it's dark outside I hold you
And I'm not ashamed to say
That my heart's longing to touch you
But so quickly comes the day
And as quickly you are gone
When my sky turns pale and light
We are never the same at dawn
As we were that very night

With night time comes my dreams
And I suppose that's what you are
But underneath the moonbeams
I know you're never far
Still when day comes you leave
And I die a little inside
The sun and I are left to grieve
For the moon's love will not bide

On your violin, I watch you play
A tune of love untold
But with sunrise comes the day
And soon the song turns cold
Then all day I lie in waiting
For the sun to fade from view
And as the sunlight starts abating
I make my way to you

Now I've had a revelation
One day I'll let you see
It's not my imagination
And it's not fantasy
One night I will reveal
A love you've never known
I'll prove that what I feel is real
And stop loving on my own

Midnight soft is how I love you
Whether it be day or night
Moonlight sweet is how I need you
In darkness or the light.

About God, the Ocean & the Moon

Each night I look up to the sky
And see the Lord in every star
But for some reason, I know not why
I find him not in the moon afar
I see a face but he looks cold
Up in space the time he bides
Near the ocean rocks so old
Ever changing with the tides
God, for me, does not waver
Like the moon does every night
To me, God is my bless'd savior
An always constant shinning light
But, somehow, it's different now
The closest star seems distant
And though the sun will not allow
My moon turns to a crescent
I move quickly against the waves
Others come but I must go
Past all the people the Lord saves
If I'm one the sun will show
Its futile whispering prayers to the moon
The man speaks not to me
For the night is gone too soon
And then the moon must flee
I realize I am like that sphere
So weary, dark and low
And only when the sun is near
Am I allowed to glow
I revolve around the earth
As the earth goes round the sun
From the moment of my birth
And until my life is done
I'm not afraid of the sea anymore
With the current I am intune
As I wonder, on this distant shore,
About God, the ocean and the moon

Faded Friendships

Childhood friendships dwindle away so fast
Caught beneath the dead hand of the past
It fades like the photos on our shelves
With no one left to blame but ourselves

We didn't know what we'd had until it was gone
And it breaks my heart to see you so withdrawn
Did I ever tell you how sorry I feel?
And all of this, now, seems so unreal

I wish I had been a better friend
But I was too young to comprehend
The terror inside your mind and delve
Into the dark shadows, I was only twelve.

I look at you now and wish I had been there
Perhaps I could lift you from your despair
The loss of childhood, come too soon
As we slept beneath the cold, full moon

There's a wall between us that I can't tear down
So I can save you before you drown
In your thoughts so dreary and dark
By being the lantern; a distant spark.

Is there's nothing I can do for you now?
Lost friend, if there is please tell me how
Because I miss the way we used to be
When you would smile and hold hands with me

But those days are gone forever it seems
For you are haunted by your dreams
And I was too immature to understand
Instead of running I should've held your hand

These are the Good Old Days

These days nostalgia is lost on me
I live for now instead of what will be
Too happy to look back on yesterday
I wish we could stay forever this way
Such beautiful moments go by too fast
Seconds, minutes and hours slip past
Until all are gone; the day will end
Knowing tomorrow you'll still be my friend
Together up to the stars we gaze
Singing, "These are the good old days"

When I'm with you I'm never judged
I'm beside you when my makeups smudged
My hairs in a mess and my jeans are torn
Others look at me to frown and scorn
But you stand by and hold my hand
I can always count on you to understand
But the sand keeps falling in the hour glass
And what is now, too soon will pass
Years will speed by, leaving us in a daze
All the while singing, "These are the good old days"

The time of our parting draws on apace
So I'll smile with you and save your place
Forever if need be until you come home
From wherever it is you've chosen to roam
And though these tears may fall from my eyes
I always knew we'd have to say our goodbyes
I have no regrets though it hurts me so
To look back on so long ago
So one last time, under the sun's warm rays,
We'll be singing, "These are the good old days"



For Page

History Repeating

Like an echo from my past
You step through the door
Oh so eager to start again
To turn me into your whore
It's all been done before,
This emotional beating
That's just the game you like
To play; of history repeating

I've broken free from you before
By loosing your hold
And even in doing so
The thought has made me cold
I had learned to live with you
When all happiness is fleeting
And now your back to your
Old game; of history repeating

But now it's time to break the cycle
This cycle that’s breaking my heart
But now I see that the only time I'm happy
Is whenever we're apart
Because I'm sick of all the shit you pull
All the lying, threats and cheating
It looks like I won your
Stupid game; of history repeating

I Know Me

I'm so sick of us being like this
You feel nothing unless we kiss
You just stand there and bite your lip
What the hell is wrong with our relationship?
Screw the rhymes
Tetrameters bore me
I 'm just going tell you the truth
Because I'm tired of being someone else
I'm tired of lying to myself
And sorry for lying to you
The truth is I hate red roses
And to me violets seem purple
Isn't that why they call them violets
And as for sugar; it's not always sweet
Like me
I like to play dress up once-in-awhile
But these heels are killing me
And I never sit right in a skirt
While I'm at it I might as well
Come clean
I use unscented soup in the shower
Who likes the smell of papaya and kiwi anyway?
If it was up to me I’d cut my nails short
And throw out the polish
It's a pain in the ass to paint over chips
I guess you could call me humble
Because I'd rather be outside
Than in the mall
And I'm not the type of girl, who crushes on every guy
But you're special
I've never been the romantic type
But since I've met you
Love songs make sense
And I must admit; as embarrassing as it is
Each night I spray your brand of cologne
On my pillow
Because it reminds me of you
So look at me without the make-up
And my hair part wavy; part straight
Can you love me as I am?
I know it's unfair
To you and to me
For me to continue with this stupid façade
I know that I love you
So I'm leaving the decision to you
Love me or break me
I know myself well enough to take the news
And continue on
No matter what the answer

Tell Me How You Feel

Why can't I just break though your walls?
And find out who you really are.
I wish you would give me one chance,
But you always said I wish too much.
If only you would you take the time
To drop those lies and let me see.
You've got me twisted but I don't why.
You're messing with my head
So I can't even trust myself anymore.
Please just tell me how you feel.
Though we may be holding hands,
I'm still left a distance from you heart.
Sometimes I think you say those lies
So much you started believing them too.
What if I turned the tables on you?
Would you be able to stay away?
I wonder if you know that you’re my life,
And without you I wither and die.
When we talk I feel like I'm drowning.
Before I can get a breath,
The wave crashes down again.
Only you can save me now.
Even a few words will suffice
Please just tell me how you feel.

He is of the Earth

He is of the earth
Just a seed at his birth
A pebble I watched grow
Into what I did not know
He might be a violet flower
Never wilting in a shower
He might be a rose
A beauty nature only shows
He might be a morning glory
For generations to tell the story
Whatever he is he is my own
and a Savior the world has never known

Wish I Could Say

I lie in our bed and wait for the dawn
I haven't be the same since you've gone
My hand reaches out to touch your face
But your not there; it's just empty space
I cry and I wonder with a weary heart
Do you think of me when we're apart?
I want to say I hate you and I do
But it's leveled by my love for you

Wish I could say I'm battered and bruised
That I was rejected, neglected and used
But I can't; it's not true
I'll still be in love with you
Wish I could say I'm better without you here
That I lived in misery, desolation, and fear
But I can't; what can I do?
I just want to get over you

I walk alone beneath the pouring rain
You've gone and left me with this pain
I feel exposed when you're not around
But when you're here my loves profound
My clothes are wet; they're soaking though
I want to know if I'll survive without you
I want to say I'm glad that you left me
But I still love you; why can't you see?

Wish I could say you've cheated and lied
That you've been deceitful; that you denied
But I can't; I always knew
I was born to love just you
Wish I could say since you left I haven't cried
But the truth is that without you I die inside
Oh yes; it's so true
I'll always be in love with you

You Think You Know Me

The tension hangs between us, tightening like a vise
You smile at me smugly, never trying to be nice
You look like the world will caters to your will
'Cause breaking peoples' spirits can give cheap thrills
Your exterior shows mask a cruel child within
And your vindictive games are wearing thin
You just grin, like my actions are small
Little do you know, you don't know me at all
You look at me and see a girl with no clue
Well this girl has got a clue just for you
Don't look at me like I'm deficient of views
'Cause believe it or not I do watch the news
You think because I'm young I'm like all the rest
Like I'm just a chick with a butt and a chest
Well I'm sick of all your stereotypical shit
And I'm not saying sorry for saying it
'Cause when you think you know me you've got it wrong
I'm more than a woman, I'm influential and strong
I'm everyone who lives life in their way
While you're just a man at a loss of what to say

[Untitled]

I blow out a candle
I lit it for you
I watch the smoke rising
And wind my fingers through
Its beauty strikes me
It breaks my heart in two
I remember your face
I think of the candle as you
And the flame is your life
Which out yourself you blew
As I watch that smoke ascend
I feel like I am with you
The smoke of the candle
Will meet with you too...

Breaking the Boy

She doesn't know what she does to him
This devil with an angelic face
She teases him and tempts him
With hints of her velvet and lace
Since the very first day he saw her
His heart unfurled before her feet
Little, now, did this boy know
Her world was littered with deceit
She'd been broken many times before
By all the men in her life
She was never the kind of girl
He could take to be his wife
Despite all this he continued on
And willingly she fell for him
Always moving with the tide
Giving her heart and soul at whim
She didn't mean to hurt him
He knew it would come to this
As much as he tried to keep her
She left him with a kiss
With her gone he moved on
Trying not to place the blame
Of his passionate love gone wrong
On her heart he couldn't tame
Soon she didn't remember him
Her long forgotten toy
He was just a victim of her game
Of breaking the boy.

I Cannot Have You

You smile across the room and I know that I love you
But you don't smile at me; I know I cannot have you
What a merciless torment; when I see you everyday
Wanting to touch you, to love you in every way
A million and one scenarios, dancing through my mind
Of your lips; a tender kiss, our hearts and souls entwined
But each glance is like heartbreak, when you look but never see
The love my heart holds for you, the wreck you've made of me
Against all reason and right judgment, I'm sure I love just you
And it tears me up inside because now I know I cannot have you

So leave me to wallow in all the pain you've made
And I will just continue on and live this masquerade
I really need to wash away, all these fantasies and dreams
Because what lies beneath the surface is never what it seems
In some ways I've always known, you were out of reach
But there's something about my heart I could never teach
And you'll never know, the passion and love that you missed
The devotion that I've felt for you, an infatuation I can't resist
It seemed so easy at first; without you I still loved you
But it's so complicated now; I know I cannot have you

Do you see what your eyes cannot?

Do you see what your eyes cannot?
My heart speaks the words, my lips do not.
I buried these feelings deep down inside,
Except in your eyes, for I cannot hide.

I used to think that love was tears.
You give your all, then it disappears,
But when I'm with you I am shown,
Life isn't worth living, when living alone.

I used to see the world in black.
I'd cry for all the things I lack.
I've left behind the pain and guilt,
Tearing down these walls I've built.

I used to hide my face from light.
I lived in a world of endless night,
But there are no shadows on the sun.
Eventually the sun and moon are one.

I used to be an empty shell,
Wishing things I cannot tell.
I try to hide but you still see,
The feelings deep inside of me.

Do you see what your eyes cannot?
My heart speaks the words, my lips do not.

Dreams

I wake from a dream.
You know those dreams that leave you slowly
But you always wish they never ended.
My dreams are like that,
As quiet and soft as a breath,
But as powerful and wild as a thunderstorm.
Like a gentle kiss on the cheek,
It makes its impression and then leaves.
It leaves you grasping on to it, begging it to stay,
But it cannot.
Such is the way of things
That dreams do come and go in rhythm.
If that rhythm ever vanished,
What would become of reality?
Cold and harsh,
It is reality that forces the dream from our minds.
For in the dream, the images from the mind seem real,
But they dissolve, and physical existence is there.
The night holds enough mystery, love,
Adventure and horror to last a lifetime,
But it disappears and we must move on.

A Jaded Portrait

I walk these cold streets
These streets I've walked with you
What's left is a memory
Of dirty alleys and a dismal view
Somehow it looks so different
From the road I've walked before
It's just how I remember
Except you're not with me anymore

I struggle to see the stars
Through the billowing clouds of haze
You gave the stars their fire
The same way you set my heart ablaze
It seems like only minutes
Since your candle's been blown out
Leaving me in wanting
And now I must live on without

Without you I still see you
Locking me in your embrace
Always the romantic one
With a tragically handsome face
Now I'm left in wonder
Marveling at love and life and death
How life ends so quickly
But love continues without a breath

What is left; I bring along
A memory of love without a frame
It's just a jaded portrait
Of a tender face without a name

Along the Fading Line

I walk along the fading line,
Between reality and dreams.
Now this edge is in decline,
And nothings as it seems.

Where illusions feel so certain,
And reality seems pretend.
I'm caught behind a curtain,
When the line begins to blend.

They tell me to trust my dreams,
One day they might come true.
But when I pull apart the seams,
The fantasies begin to skew.

These delusions start spread,
And the limits keep on fading.
Steadily taking over my head,
As the distortion is pervading.

Any mark has disappeared.
It's gone without a trace,
And the line has been smeared.
There's empty in its place.

I walk along the fading line,
Between reality and dreams.
Now I'm looking for a sign,
For nothings as it seems.

Disillusioned

When I was a child I never was told
This world was so wild, unruly and cold
But tragedy never collided this close to my heart
Until Jared decided to tear my life apart
Its something that comes to all but me
Until I heard the drums of my destiny
The light of his candle had been blown away
A death I couldn't handle so I started to pray,
"God, help the people who've wandered afar
For they are the people whom hate did scar."

I've reached the conclusion
There's no more delusions
So start the confusion
From this moment on
I'm disillusioned...

When I was naïve, people always said
Never deceive the one that you wed
What a group of liars they turned out to be
Full of impious desires and hypocrisy
Marriage is holy or so I've heard
But now love is only a fake silly word
Parents tear apart the kids they betray
So with a broken heart, I started to pray,
"God, help the lost children. They cry for a guide.
These are the children for whom your son died."

I've reached the conclusion
There's no more delusions
So start the confusion
From this moment on
I'm disillusioned...

When I was little I was made to believe
You never belittle what others achieve.
The worlds at peace and people understand
That we all need a piece to survive in this land
Racism is dead and Hate's just a word
I would lie in my bed and never had stirred
Until somebody tore my calm world away
I could not ignore so I started to pray,
"God, help humanity. Your people are crying
Please, end the insanity. Poor people are dying"

I've reached the conclusion
There's no more delusions
So start the confusion
From this moment on
I'm disillusioned...

Walking to Your Gallows

You pass me by, you see me stare
Your eyes see a hate that isn't there.
You're walking to your gallows
Alone
Afraid
You're walking to your gallows
A man
Unmade

All around you, this world is dust
Just empty words, lies and mistrust
You've tried once but it's all in vain
All you want is to end the pain

You move by without a glance
Nothing here is left to chance.
You're walking to your gallows
Tired
Worn
You're walking to your gallows
A man
Unborn

Each day is darker than the last
Your futures slipping into the past
Your heart can't take much more of this
You're clinging to what's left of bliss

You go by without lifting your head
You go to end your life instead.
You're walking to your gallows
Wounded
One
You're walking to your gallows
A man
Undone

Oh, Jared, don't you see?
You're walking to your gallows
You're leaving me.

I Fell In Love the Last Time it Rained

I fell in love the last time it rained
Mysteries of life at last explained
All illusions of a girl
As truth's lies unfurl
I find myself lost in a dark, deep sea
Looking toward what is meant to be

Tangled in this game of pretend
Deceit and sincerity never end
Only dreams to be told
Deep in the nights cold
Ghosts of all the could've beens'
Where lies end and truth begins

I fell in love the last time it rained
Mysteries of life at last explained
All illusions of a girl
As truth's lies unfurl
You shielded me from all the pains
And I still see you when it rains

Cutting the Thread

It's been many years now, locked in this prison of a home
A hell with bay windows and patio doors
I've watch as the wishes of those I love whither at your feet.
I've seen my desires sacrificed for your own petty needs
You destroyed my life, my dreams and hopes of someday
Breaking free and moving into the light beyond your shadow
You made the mistake of loosening my leash
And once I've tasted the light there's no living without
I may be just a broken down spirit, cold and dark inside like you
But I can still cut you and I've got the salt to make it sting
You hang your lies over my head by the tiniest thread
What will you do when your lies come crashing down?
All around you; a life's work of pain and deceit, shattered glass at your feet
What would you do if they found out who you were inside?
Just a selfish brat, caring about nothing unless it's yourself
When you look in the mirror do you see what I do?
A monster behind a mask, choking on smoke
I block my ears to your words, they burn anyway
I'll leave you with your misery that you've created
So carefully around yourself, trapping you inside
I'm going from the darkness to bathe in the warmth of the sun.

I Don't Believe in Love

I don't believe in love,
It's fairy tale that never comes true.
I don't believe in love,
Because love never follows through.

Please tell me why
I should believe a lie
I don't believe in love.
Love is just an illusion
Confusion and delusion
I don't believe in love

I don't believe in love,
It's a story to help you sleep at night.
I don't believe in love
It's both a legend and a painful plight

Please tell me why
I should believe a lie
I don't believe in love.
Love is just an illusion
Confusion and delusion
I don't believe in love

I don't believe in love
In the end it always makes you cry
I don't believe in love
When he leaves me with Good-bye

Sadistic Devotion

Sweet dreams, Good night
Whisper softly, "Put out the light"
Warm lips, Love erased
Fade away, Warmth's replaced
Cold ice, Visions gone
And its hours until the dawn
Red roses, Candle stick
Melt away, Burnt out the wick
Salty tears, Broken glass
The love we had is lost, Collapse
Pained screams, Star watch
Fall away, Drunk half the scotch
Bruised cheek, Kisses sweet
Lost words when fist and face meet
Sadistic devotion, Amorous hate
Waste away, but it's too late.

No Longer, No More

Gentle kisses reach my lips no longer
Tender touches feel my skin no more
My heart is aching for you to be with me
I cannot hide this feeling anymore
It hurts me thinking of my life without you
My world is falling, crashing to the ground
Thunder rolls as I wait for you in vain
It's clear to me now you're no longer mine
Sweet whispers find my ear no longer
Silent love enters my heart no more
How... can this be?
I loved you... and you loved me
I lie in bed each night calling out your name
I wake every morning reaching for you
I live each day wishing you were here
I want... gentle kisses, tender touches,
sweet whispers and silent "I love you's"

Gypsies By Twilight

In daylight we are children holding our mothers' hands
In nighttime we are Bohiemiens traveling in our gypsy band
The day can get so boring, of school we often tire
While waiting for the night to come so we can dance beside the fire
With rings on our fingers and bells on our toes
We sing to the moon where ever she goes
The violin plays quickly by the fire's light
The wise owl takes in the sight
Of our scarves waving through the air
As we stick flowers in our hair
By day we sit patiently waiting for the night
And when the sun begins to fade we're gypsies by twilight.

The Storm Breaker

My heart, it was so lonely
I thought it would beat for him only
Thought the storm would never fade away
Looking to the times of yesterday
All hope was nearly lost
No getting through no matter the cost
Then like a rainbow through the clouds
Spoke to me the most heavenly of sounds
My soul you lifted
Made me feel gifted
Restored my hope and love
You were sent from above
Baby, you chased my clouds away
And opened the sky for a bright new day
With you by my side I can touch the sky
Kissing all my worries and fears goodbye

The Daydreamer

While in school my mind does roam
To a place where Dragons have a home
Where Princes and Princess doth dwell
And Faeries speak secrets I dare not tell
Where water flows so deep and dark
And trees reach skyward with twisting bark
Where mountains stand so steep and tall
And Mermaids swim by a waterfall
Who knows where my mind may reach
When my teacher starts to teach

Reflections of Imperfection

I look into this distorted glass
A cruel image comes back to me
And it breaks me more than I do it
When I see the face I hate to see

But now I'm caught inside that glass
Trapped with the spirits of dignity
And the ghosts of my self-esteem
Can I live in anonymity?

Or must I face the world this way?
Must I stay and face rejection
Or can I just stare into the broken glass
At my reflections of imperfection.

Beauty is just Skin Deep

You broke my heart, you made me cry,
Without even giving me a try.
You judged by how I looked,
Just like I was some old book,
And I was wrong I should have guessed,
Why wouldn't you be like all the rest?
But now you ask me if I would
Go out with you, I don't think I should.

Because yesterday isn't that far away,
You didn't like me then, then why today.
So forget about now, let's think about then,
And if I've changed please tell me when.

My hair is long, my teeth are straight,
And now you're asking me for a date.
Who I am still hasn't changed.
Just my looks, isn't that strange,
That your mind changed when I'd
Changed my outside, not inside.
I'm looking for someone who loves
The me that was given from above.

Because yesterday isn't that far away,
You didn't like me then, then why today.
So forget about now, let's think about then,
And if I've changed please tell me when.

I thought you were honest
Thought you were caring
Thought you were everything I wanted.
But, oh no, I was wrong.
I should have known it all along.

Beauty is just skin deep,
It's the heart you got to keep.
But if you look into my eyes,
You'll see their owner's gotten wise,
And you'll see what you did wrong.
There's no more trying to belong.

I'll Think of You

Every time I see the midnight sky,
And the crescent moon shinning high above me,
With the stars shimmering their precious light,
Whenever the day becomes the night, I'll think of you.

Every time I close my eyes,
And slowly, gently drift off to sleep,
With lights flashing inside my head,
Whenever I'm alone in my bed, I'll dream of you.

Every time I see lovers pass my way,
And I wish I had a lover to call my own,
With the way they look into each others eyes,
Whenever someone cries, I'll remember you.

Every time I hear a love song,
And the melody makes me sing,
With the notes dancing along,
Whenever I sing a song, I'll sing for you.

I'll think of you.