I always imagined I would know
the exact moment when your heart stopped beating
whether it was a sudden illness
or some freak accident,
like getting hit by a cab while crossing 3rd Ave.
(You know nobody minds that stoplight)
In that instant, I would look up from my work
and put my hand on my chest.
I would know
because how could I not.
But the truth is
there will be no ethereal moment
where your soul passes through me
on its way to the next world.
I will not notice one less breath in the atmosphere
and the sky won’t seem darker than before.
Even mothers do not realize
when their sons have drowned in rivers
many miles away.
My hands won’t cease to work without you
and the sun will shine regardless.
A world without you tomorrow
is exactly the same as today,
But when I get that phone call
Or find you face down on the kitchen floor,
everything, oh yes, everything
Will never be the same
and I will imagine I always knew.
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