Saturday, June 23, 2012

Villanelle for Lost Dreams


Beneath the whirling tumult of sea
is the resting place of forgotten dreams.
But not everything below is dead,
they just cannot be touched by the sun
and what was once so vivid and true
is now a heartbeat beneath the sand.

Through the hourglass slips the sand
creating a beach for the pale green sea
making what is real no longer true
and in our waking hours, those dreams
of days when we could touch the sun
fall like gulls upon the shore, dead.

Where do we go when the past is dead?
Do we bury our heads under the sand
or turn our eyes up towards the sun?
Only in that white, bright light do we see
the weak heartbeat of lost dreams
and a north star to what is true.

Following the path that’s straight and true,
the waysides littered with our dead,
we behold the cost of our fever dreams
in shallow graves beneath hot sand.
All the cleansing of salted sea
cannot reverse the setting sun.

We plod along, daughter and son,
in search of dreams and love that’s true.
Each changing like tides on the sea
That only stop if we are dead.
Still we write our names in sand
And skip flat stones like they’re our dreams.

What is the meaning of these dreams,
That will one day implode like our sun,
If not an attempt to stay Time’s own sands
Or a question of what’s still true
That we sing to all our dead
Floating on burning ships to sea.

What we know to be true, is lost at sea
where dreams are as movable as sand.
We are not dead, yet we block the sun.

Monday, March 05, 2012

I always imagined I would know


I always imagined I would know
the exact moment when your heart stopped beating
whether it was a sudden illness
or some freak accident,
like getting hit by a cab while crossing 3rd Ave.
(You know nobody minds that stoplight)
In that instant, I would look up from my work

and put my hand on my chest.
I would know
because how could I not.
But the truth is

there will be no ethereal moment
where your soul passes through me

on its way to the next world.
I will not notice one less breath in the atmosphere

and the sky won’t seem darker than before.
Even mothers do not realize

when their sons have drowned in rivers
many miles away.
My hands won’t cease to work without you

and the sun will shine regardless.
A world without you tomorrow
is exactly the same as today,
But when I get that phone call
Or find you face down on the kitchen floor,
everything, oh yes, everything

Will never be the same
and I will imagine I always knew.

Thursday, November 03, 2011

rain in midtown

Just outside Grand Central Station,
I am pushing through the crowds
Between the walls of glass and stone
below a sky that's free of clouds.

When on my cheek I feel a drop,
away, I wipe it like a hair,
look in puzzlement at the sky
and continue on to Pershing Square.

I feel another droplet fall,
hit cold and wet upon my arm
like icy little pins they start
and each one fills me with alarm.

The sky still far and clear and blue
reflects its light on mirrored tower.
No one is reaching for umbrellas
in preparation for the coming shower.

Along Madison Avenue
the rain begins to pour.
It soaks through my ivory blouse
and chills me to my very core.

But on the street, not one looks up,
their heads and clothes stay dry.
As puddles forms inside my shoes
bike messengers and business men go by.

My hair is sticking to my face.
Water is collecting by my feet.
Make-up is running from my eyes
as I turn right on 38th St.

The flood begins on the corner
when the streetlights change to red.
Waves of water rush past cabs
and splash into the traffic ahead.

The rainwater rises but no one cares.
They walk unfazed below the tide
as I choke on liquid, gasp for breath
praying for the waters to subside.

I struggle to hold to the building's side
As the waters continue to rise.
My fingers slip, I fall below,
hands reaching up to clear blue skies.

Below the surface, the water's cold
it's iciness numbs my fear.
I close my eyes to fall asleep.
I hope nobody finds me here.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Changing (Leaves)


In moves the crispness of autumn nights,
leaving behind yellow days
for the heavy scent of decaying leaves
and unanswered questions.

Ruby maples shed their weight
to be naked in time for winter’s frost.
Aspen leaves skitter across the pavement
to give me a golden road to nowhere.

Arid land turns muddy earth
under clear blue but chilly skies.
Does the old Oak fear change?
I’m too scared to ask.


Wednesday, March 02, 2011

my life in places where I've woken up

[South Balboa Drive]
Morning has passed my sleepy face
As the warm place on my chest starts to purr
I better not get up just yet
Lest I awaken this gentle bundle of fur.


[Lake Galilee Road]
My eyes creep open at sunlight.
Another misty, hazy dawn breaks on the lake.
Looking through the dirty glass
A peaceful moment, while no one is awake.


[Great Portland Street]
Body awakes but the mind still sleeps
From honking horns beyond the apple tree limbs.
New day walking the crescents, mews
Chasing my every wanderlust, traveler whims.


[Union Street]
He always wakes up before me
I lie under the quilts and watch the curtain flow.
Streams of light feed the plants
And I feel warmth here in spite of the snow.

[28th Street]
I hear people shouting in the street
But it’s still a quiet start for a Manhattan day
I count the bricks on the wall
A home of love and dreams, but underpay.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

the rest is silence

with wings outstretched
the setting sun can turn a raven blue
feathers tangled in branches that cradle
after that fateful plunge from the sky

black claws let go
throw your head back and laugh
at the fly that eats your eyes
at the maggots in your belly
at the inevitable decay

birds are meant to stay in the sky
but we all are worms in the end.





Thursday, October 28, 2010

well, he’s not here though
and i am
palm on my lower back
he pulls me to him to whisper toxins
no one will ever know

i know
i’ll always remember
no

but that second
i feel my sex electric
his hard persuasion against me
bait for sinners
pounding in my breast
more whispers
to get his lips closer to mine
his tongue inside
my hunger is wet

lust he speaks with foreign tongue
i ache for warmth
surrounding me and filling me
i will tell no one

i would tell
i can keep no secrets
no

but in that instant
gratification pulses in my mind
the seed of infidelity
i fondle with the thought
and save it for myself tonight
no
i am a tease for temptation

Monday, May 10, 2010

Untitled



Walking home
I saw a baby bird at my feet
Never seeing
Dead.

Without touching
I knew instinctively how he would feel.
No feathers
Fetus.

Wondering time
I thought how long his corpse would stay
Nearing decay
Perish.

Waiting there
I heard a grackle scream in an evergreen
No mother
Mourns.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Lullaby

Love, lay down your head
And hear the sighing seas
Of naked crimson in the sheets
The waning sun agrees

The land unfolds its blanket
of warm and dark in me
With this lullaby for quiet
I bribe the birds in every tree

A harvest moon fades
Pushing light behind the breeze
Tomorrow we move again
The honey and the bees

So kiss goodnight, Love
and lay down close to me
Loose our thoughts in slumber
Find our dreams in we.

Sleep within this shelter made
of love a guarantee
Wear a promise ‘round your neck
A life, a home, a key.

Friday, November 28, 2008

The Sounds of Snow

The snow makes a sound as it hits the ground
If we could only listen.
All at once it sounds like the wind
A blowing silencing hymn
Just like a thousand mothers
Whispering to their babies “hush”

Yes, the snow makes a sound when it hits the ground
But only for an instant.
All alone it sounds just like your blood
Swishing through your veins
And the rhythm of the snow’s song
Is your heartbeat’s thumping in your ears.

I believe the snow makes a sound as it hits the ground
But only the broken-hearted can hear it.
Its sounds like your lover’s breath
after the last time you kissed him.
It sounds like the tears being made in your eye
It reverberates in your soul;
That is the sound of snow.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My poem

My poem is unfinished.
The lines don't rhyme
and the meters all wrong
but it is still a work in progress.
I'm still looking for the words,
trying to find the right meaning
to say a lifetime.
So maybe the end is unknown
and the middle is unwritten
but I think I know just where to start
Here...
is were it begins.
A life of prose to grow with me
from these humble beginnings.
My poem is unfinished.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

For M

Road lays out in miles
across seemingly endless land.
Distance yawns between you, love
and my outstretched hand.

Days for your voice to reach me
when you call out my name.
Without your smile each morning
the sun never shines the same.

Over mountains, rivers and lakes
I wait for you to bridge the gaps
Swim the rivers and the lake
Walk across the snowy caps.

To beat the miles you must recall
to love when I'm not there
Kiss the rain when it falls,
breath the wind like it's my air

Feel the sun like my embrace
Watch the moon glow like my eyes
Know it's love and not proximity
that truly binds the ties.

So though the miles seem daunting
and the days creep slowly by
We will be together again
and greet each other with a sigh.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Jealousy's Fool

Bite your lip when she walks by
and to hear you speak of her
I start to imagine the scene
without me.

I coy smile from her
and whisper in her ear
and a toss of her fair hair
You're heart divided

or your heart was never mine.

I see the gleam in your eye
when you make her laugh
and she blushes now
but without me:

You tell her you love her
with that same gleam.
Kiss her neck
sweeter than you kiss me.
You will soon forget me

or you never knew me at all.

Lower my eyes to your glow
I don't know who you see
when you look at me anymore.
Because without me

You hold her in bliss
and breath in the smell of her hair
and laugh at that other girl.
You either love her already

or I am jealousy's fool.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Please, please

A puzzle of flesh and liquid
the mystery of my own body.
To hold me from knowing
what is happening within.
Growing inside?
I’m not ready.
My life barely blooming
with self-actualization not yet realized
Fill in the blanks.
I don’t want to throw it away
I should have been more careful
I know
But please, please, please
Not yet.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

In a Perfect World

In a perfect world
You would never be out of reach.
Without telepathy I could read your thoughts
And they would be perfectly like mine.
Each morning you would wake up wrapped around me
And my breath would smell fresh
And last night you didn’t snore.
Your kisses would taste like ripe cherries
And I would never miss your lips.
In the middle of the day, you would call
Because we have nothing else to do but love each other.
That’s our job and it pays well.
I would never tell you my secrets because I would have none.
You would never have to forgive me
Because I am perfect
And I would never have to cry
Because you are too.
Instead of waiting, I would have found you sooner
And you would love me forever.
In a perfect world
I would have never cursed us with perfection.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

One Morning

One morning
I woke up and I loved you
The date and time remain unclear
But on that ripe red morning
You were the Sun.

One morning
I told you why I fell in love
It was your warmth
Your beams engulfed me
And banish the bitter night.

One morning
I asked you to forgive me.
I still have dark patches in my soul.
Places that remain cold
Even in the heat of your summer.

One morning
I said I am sorry
I can never give you everything,
But know I love you.
I have known since that morning.

One evening
Imagine my surprise
When this bright day ends
And you creep over the hills
To shine on other souls.

I should have never been so greedy.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Supernova

We jumped on the bed to put stars in the sky,
And made them read, “I love you.”
Your liquid eyes held the northern hemisphere
Reflecting my glowing ceiling of plastic suns,
Our world rotates around them.
My love is a supernova,
Growing and gleaming and imploding inside
Fuel for new fires to burn in our hearts,
And black holes to store affection.
Plastic lasts forever
And the stars in the sky are light-years away.
Why would I want to wish on them?
By the time I see them
They could be dead,
But the dying ones shine the brightest.

Monday, December 31, 2007

Dusk

The snow laden trees look best at dusk
When the headlights bring out the glitter in white
and my eyes fail to see the branches
broken by the weight of wet ivory.
Each snowflake, unique and small,
was too much for the tree to bear.
Sometimes you can hear them cracking
but never at dusk.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

13 Ways to Look at a Button

I.
Among the leather of coats
A button
Holds it all together

II.

Alone
The only one who sees me
is a button
the eye of a rag doll.

III.
Napoleon’s Army
Lost to the Russian cold
Their tin buttons disintegrating

IV.
Resting on the dirty ground
A lost button
With a frayed thread

V.

In my pocket
I mistake a button for a coin

VI.

The only thing left to remind her of him
is a button
from his favorite dress shirt.
She cries.

VII.

Late last summer he fell in love
With her sun kissed button nose

VIII.

Answers linger beyond the door.
Locked.
The impermeable code of buttons.

IX.

On or Off
A heavy choice
Made so often by buttons

X.

O, citizens of earth
Loathing and fanaticism
The end of the world
Is just a button press away.

XI.
A small treasure
A child finds a misplaced
Button.

XII.

The wind whispers “shh.”
Somewhere
A button fails.

XIII.
It was early morning
And no one has ever sung
A song for buttons.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Saturation Adoration

Dew clings like kisses on green leaves
Your love is moisture to my soil.
All summer long there was a drought
And I withered with pure sun
Waiting for you to come again; to saturate my heart.

With every single drop you rain
I soak it up like affection.
Eagerly I consume your fallen love
As the water rises higher
Remembering a time before you; my soul evaporating.

Rain clouds cover up the sun
But still I drink the rain.
Submerged in water, I beg for more
Liquid flooding out my roots.
No need for light; I have you, my sweet precipitation.

Soak me in waters deep
Inundate me with adoration.
Engulf me in the flood
Immerse me in passion
Love me until I die
Drowning has never felt so good.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

equal and opposite...

Look at me with your eyes
like reefs of coral; blue deep
and smile.
When I say I love you,
you can't help
but move
like electricity pulsing through you.
Kiss the small of my back.
Your face feels rough
like pine needles; I want to touch.
Feel me whisper in your ear.
I send a shiver through you
like cold heat; you gasp.
I take you in with a breath
and it feels
like we are whole.
Every sigh I live for.
I see you adore me
like trees love the breeze.
You move me.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Seeds of Silence

Your hush falls bitter cold as snow
and congregates at my feet.
They fail to fall with any truth,
You lie to me by omission.

Once our words were infinite
and poetry would rain, our flowers
our seeds of truth would grow.
How quickly seasons change.

This snow, this silent killer of love
It buries us in achrome
With each word unspoken
I die a bit more.

Erst I saw a land clear of white
Honesty warmed my core
I breathed unfogged
All lies would melt.

But, still, you do not speak
Blinded by snow I know
that in this sickening, delusive blanch
the seeds of silence here is sowed.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I May Not Remember

I may not remember your smile
how it was rare but beautiful
like the northern lights
we could see from home

I may not remember your favorite color
a dark purple, nearly black
your spirit was too bright for black
but you saw your life as dark

I may not remember the time when
You saved the fish trapped
in the creek during drought.
Who was to save you?

I may not remember the sound of your voice,
I may not remember your favorite song
I may not remember or ever know why
But I will remember your favorite flower
I laid it on your grave.
Forgive me.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Ballerina

Name a song
I’ll sing to it
in front of crowds or
just the room
but
while the records turning
and loneliness is singing
I think I am a ballerina
and I let the music
mold me, move
My limbs into graceful
arcs and coils

Name a song
I’ll play it
my fingers moves so
quickly cross the board
but
all I’ve ever wanted is
is to dance with poise
instead of clumsy plunking
Or cracking voice.
Let the melody control me,
while I dance alone.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Break

Bone scrapes along black pavement
A crack and disconnection
Wrap me up in your fiberglass embrace
A smothering protection
What lay beneath my concrete cast
Is a crushed collection
Of bone, muscle and raw nerves
A joint without its flexion
I pick the gravel out of my knees
A week after inspection
But all the while my body still
Is beginning a resurrection
Mending the splintered bones and scars of
Absolute broken perfection.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Sleep Calls

Sleep calls me to come to bed
To rest my head upon his chest
and let his soft, rhythmic breaths
Lull me to a slumber deep.

Sleep whispers in my ear
of dreamings to be had
with my body in bed
and my head in the clouds

Sleep inhales my life from limbs
and heralds the warmth
and comfort of the night.
Tiredness seeps into my bones.

Sleep pours sand into my eyelids
weighed down by the day.
Sleep is calling me to bed
I shall not keep him waiting.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Confidant (Revisited)

Move my heart to you,
The direction of my intentions.
Can you help my arms to hold
my love without "I love you?"
What's your reaction to my inaction
When you assure what seems unsure?
Still I speak my truthless speech
And I quiet my disquietude.
Could you save me from my sanity?
Will you dare me to be daring?
I expect that, respect that, accept that.
Revive me, alive.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Scorched

First I loved his passion.
His words crackled the fire inside
And he glowed like embers stoked.
I stared deeply in the flame
the molten core, blue dancing tips.
His fire became my sun
and blinded me straight through.
I couldn’t see the fires burn
consume, ravage, and destroy us.
I was ablaze with him.
But once the fire burned out,
and all was reduced to ashes,
I was left to smolder.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Impromptu

Strange song,
Your notes are lightening bugs at dusk:
A blink in the night littered with stars.
You deserve a place in the sky
But you live in the moment.
No chords are written down
Or words recorded.

Sound lasts for an instant
But somewhere between the earth and sky,
You live forever in me.
You were born with the curtain
And you die with its fall.
For your life’s beauty and brevity
I cry.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Poetic

Before I knew you, I wrote love
I wrote of adoration and infatuation
Poems about passion, or lack thereof
for I had yet to feel the sensation.

I realize now that all my poems
when written in a loving pen
No matter what the words or whims
Are prayers for you without amen.

And as all poems have their ends
Poetry's endings are prophetic
And as each prior poem portends
My love for you is poetic.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Perfect

We joke about our first date
being at McDonald's and sharing fries.
We watched movies in my dorm room
and talked until half past four.
That was the first I saw your eyes,
Blue and green like a coral reef from above.

We laugh about our first kiss,
how I teased you until you smiled
our eyeglasses clicked awkwardly
We took them off and felt our way.
That was the first my fingers felt your hair,
Dark, sandy blond though you still call it brown.

We now smile when we speak love.
The first time I was so shy to say.
We tried to make a word for in between
What not yet love but just almost.
That was the first time I fell in love
Real and awkward and utterly perfect.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Buttons

I collect buttons
when I see them on the ground
separated from their worn out purses
and haggard old winter coats.
Seeing them resting lonely on the sidewalk,
hard, cold, dirty and bare,
conjures images of dangling threads,
fraying edges, burning holes and broken connections.
What was once well loved fades to loose-ends
and their broken pieces litter my path.
What once held everything together
drop hopelessly for me to find,
to cup safely in my hands.
Now that it has come undone
I collect buttons
because each reminds me
that something else,
somewhere,
is falling apart.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Memento Mori

In the gully along the trail
Deer bones lay scattered, forgotten toys.
Picked clean of meat and worm devoured,
Set a snowy white in the sweltering June.

Deep inside the sun bleached skull,
The empty arroyo of the eyes
Examines the same small bit of ground
But all it sees is endless dirt.

Foliage hugs the skeleton close
Gripping the shards of deer remains
Grinds the bones into a fine dust
And to each their separate end:

The pulling of body back into earth
I, too, can feel it in my bones.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

The Murder of Brady Alexander

A Red Chevy Tahoe
Kicks up dust on this chalky gravel road.
Two headlights struggle against the dust
and the aggressive darkness.
They kill the engine along side the canary grass.
The crickets smother the night to silence
in rural Arkansas.
Two males emerge dragging you behind.
This night was the last you ever saw:

When mortal metal pierced the air
You were too late to hear,
Already watching your body smoke
where neat holes leaked down your chest.

The two lights leave you with only shadows
while the crickets sing your requiem
and the canary grass dances but you can’t see,
Folded up in the middle of the road
As the chalky smoke settles around your corpse,
nothing is left to mark your grave
Apart from the gravel dripping red.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Knotted Hands

There’s a dusty dollhouse in the basement.
A birthday present for a grandniece
you knew was too young to know the value.
You made it with your hands,
Hands that used to know the wood.
Many growth rings later,
I wonder if you have forgotten how.
Do you miss the roar of the ban saw
or the rhythm as you whittled?
Your knuckles contorted,
branches twisting upward.
My favorites were the tulips
that fit in my small and clumsy hands.
You made them for Aunt Virginia.
I haven’t seen them since she passed.
Ash trees to ashes.
Sawdust to dust.
Hands that once bent nature,
Now Nature bends and leaves dusty,
like the dollhouse in the basement.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Costs of Conflict

I saw War when I was young;
it found me where I lived.
Two sides conflicted in close quarters,
Vying for a homeland.
A battle raged from nothing,
Quiet is never peace.
Atom Bombs in the family room
Nightmares in my sleep.
Mother's tears fell like Agent Orange
and Father's words were napalm.
Be careful where you step;
Verbal land mines in the backyard.
I made a shelter out of blankets
but it didn't muffle sound.
My reinforcements crumbled.
Surrender, Surrender…
"You're a brave little soldier,"
they would say
but I didn't want this fight.
Papers were signed but there's no treaty.
I am a refugee from my own home
where we marked my height on the wall.
You can't take that with you.
My homeland is occupied now;
they have painted over my name.
War has a heavy price to pay
but you ask me "what’s the cost?"

Friday, January 26, 2007

Idle Lover

My lordship speaks perilous poison
if he wilt not forswear love

I shalt ne’ver slander grace
vouchsafe fortune with your vow

Methinks your manner quenches winter’s breast
wherefore vehemence foul dost warrant woe.

Were it you who would seek thee only a maiden woman
then loath in thy mischance of my wicked torment

Hence I will ask question of myself as a lady
and perchance envy yon wanton goblet or ghostly bosom

Alas, every death doth dream through mortal measure
Sanctify nothing. Tempt me from melancholy night.

Loathsome farewell, yield.

[Fun with Shakespearean Magnetic Poetry by Page and Amanda]

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Give Me Your Hand

Give me your hand

just to steady my own.
Lead me wearily down
this tangled road to love.
Silence in a multitude of sound
And I slip behind.

Do you know where we are?

Echoes, reflections,
Trees cast shadows
on the windshield.
You trap me with your kisses
And you cage me with your arms.

How did I end up here alone?

It's your resistance halting.
I will hold you to your word
in this place we have created
to the brighter end of passion.
If I can't have your heart then

Give me your hand.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Beautiful Love

Beautiful Love,
Stay awhile,
It hurts when you're away.
The strings we tied
around our hearts
weren't meant to stretch that way.

For You

For you I sing of life unbridled
For you I live a tale without fear
For you I dance without recital
For I am wishing for you here.

Loving Lost

Love unexpected
Loving clear
Love unbidden
Loving here
Love unsafe
Loving crossed
Love unequaled
Loving lost.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

But Still

Questioning, unfaltering
my sense of confusion in this state.
Your muted tongue tells
stories of love, but still...

Mysterious, delirious
your actions in this room.
My bare skin sings
your fingertips, but still...

Unlikely, unearthly
this lightning striking twice.
That night echoes
a history in my life, but still...

Gloriously, notoriously
our fusion of catalyzed bodies.
The world sighs
I shudder for breath, but still...

Desire, uninspired
that may be all we have.
I keep you in
so you can't leave, but still...

...But still I love you,
But still I question you,
But still I let you in.

...But still I need you.
But still I don't believe you.
But still I whisper,
'You are my gift.'

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Wind Words

(A Lilibonelle)

I strain my ears to hear wind words.
Off in the distance Midnight tolls.
An echo carried on the wind
To lock our hearts and free our souls.

Off in the distance Midnight tolls.
Yet no clock tower lies in view.
Time is up for me I see
Too many ticks and tocks too few.

An echo carried on the wind,
It is a whisper through bare trees.
"Hurry child, tarry no more,"
Time is crying. I will appease.

To lock our heart and free our souls,
I see no gold and red winged birds.
My feet stay frozen to the ground,
I strain my ears to hear wind words.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Alder's Song

I.
My lonely Alder
Deep rooted at water's edge,
Wait a season more.
I am a Willow growing.
You are my King unknowing.

II.
From a simple seed
I will grow up in your shade
With our roots entwined.

III.
My lovely Alder,
Watch my eyes turn up to you
Yet my leaves hang down.
I am a Willow growing.
You are my Love unknowing.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Divinity

I spend my sunrise breathing His praise
Afraid of the failing night
yet I bask in the light of His presence
for prayers go unanswered when He's gone.

Another instant I am left breathless,
Another second of fallacious hope,
Another moment of worship at His temple.
I try to speak of His beauty internal
and my bounty of words falls short.
So I linger silently, as sunlight
transforms His skin to gold.

What raises a love so yawning
in the nights when we speak?
This love is destructive,
One-sided, fated to implode,
A priestess of a man, not a God.

I see no being has reached perfection
nearly as close as Him.
What is the lesson I should have learned?
My false idol, I will be true.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Daybreak

A gray, unfettering dawn
endeavors to peak the horizon
And flood the waiting, wanting world with
light.
Illuminate the corners of my earth.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Without, without you

Love, your love
the love that cripples me.
I cannot hope
No, no I cannot hope
for a life without, without your heart.

Touch, your touch
the only warmth I feel.
I cannot sense
No, no I cannot sense
My skin without, without you near.

Words, your words,
the narration to my world.
I cannot hear,
No, no, I cannot hear
My ears without, without your song.

Face, your face
The only art I need.
I cannot see
No, no I cannot see
My eyes without, without your sight.

Soul, your soul
the reflection of my whole,
I cannot imagine
No, no I cannot imagine
Happiness without, without your love.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Wandering South

Behold the season that breaths regret
And watch with me, for our sunsets
Within the early hours.
Remember the summer that you cared?
Picked the autumn from my hair
Pretending they were flowers.

The rustling leaves whisper in red.
My weary body aches for bed
Now that the winter's come.
Upon the growth of spring I clutch
Your long forgotten tender touch.
To fallen flame I succumb.

Our love, too, changes like the trees
Leaves foliage begging on it's knees
For one more day of light.
Buried deeply our love would grow.
I would resist the slumberous snow
But I'm too tired to fight.

Passion's bounty, now fruitless yield
A summer love's weakness revealed.
It lay within the season.
Our romance dies with the closing year
How childish for us to linger here
still questioning the reason!

Wave goodbye to love beguiled
In seasons past our summer's wild.
You fill my listless mouth
With all your tired, loveless words.
Like the monarchs, like the birds
Your heart is wandering south.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Karma

Did I think it would be easy?
Just a simple change for the best.
How could I aim to change my world
Without pain, without sacrifice, without regret.

It goes around, it comes around
My past, my future and fate.
Lift me up or break me down,
I'll build me back again.
Karma cannot keep me down
I'll rise up once again.

Did you think I would give in?
Just simply throw it all away.
How couldn't you see the strength in me
With all this pain, and sacrifice and regret.

It goes around, it comes around
My past, my future and fate.
Lift me up or break me down,
I'll build me back again.
Karma cannot keep me down
I'll rise up once again.

Did it all turn out okay?
Simple just an ending sigh.
How I can't wait to see the triumph here
Despite bygone pain, sacrifice regret.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Yellowwood Road

I watch the ground move
Beneath my feet.
Over my head,
A sky that would have brought me to tears.
I miss it.
Diligently, I map the ground.
Staying where it's solid,
Don't veer off this concrete sidewalk.
Quickly, I move, so diligently.
The destinations blurred
Losing sight of my surroundings
Joylessly, I stay the course, so diligently, so quickly.
As the seasons change.
This is not where I want to be.
The leaves fall
The snow falls
And I f
a
l
l...
Spring, pick me up again.
Gladly, I find my way, so carefree, so slowly.
Through brush and marsh and earthly land
To find my way on my own
Alone, alone
The ground, the sky.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Catalyst

Check out this equation
The end product is a lesson
But I'm stuck in a steady state
And I'm dying for a catalyst.
Friends see me crying for a reaction.
They long to help me by.
Can't start bubbling like this
Sorry, take that thing away.
Add no heat in this solution
And I've already been stirred up.
Holding me still
Freeze me, melt me,
In this stationary beaker
All I want is a little catalyst.
In the end I won't be elemental.
Mix it up,
Drop in friends,
Live my life while I change.
I can't speed this simple process
stuck without my lovely catalyst
To heat me up
Stir me up
I'm bubbling up.
Such a simple elixir
To bring me simple joys.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

For a Moment

You wrap arms around me while I wrap you up
And for a moment we're ready.
Almost never
Ready
When its time for this.
You pull me to you while pulling me down
And for a moment we're sure.
Never more
Sure
Have my feelings been.
You move in to me while moving me out
And for a moment we're together
At last we're
Together
I've been waiting so long.
You breathe out while I'm breathing you in.
And for a moment we're one
I'm finally
One
With you like this.
You come to me while I'm coming with you.
And for a moment we're alone.
Maybe someday
Alone
For the first time.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

And I am in Love Again

I try to blind myself to your sight
Somehow forget your beauty's depth
I lose sight of you inside a crowd
I open my eyes and think I'm free...
But then I see you next to me
And your smile is my only star
It shoots deep into my heart
And I am in love again.
I try to tune out your voice
Somehow forget those words you speak
I lose your voice in crowd of words
I sigh and think I'm free...
But then you whisper in my ear
And I hear the quiver of damselfly wings
They fly deep into my core
And I am in love again.
I try to evade your scent
Somehow forget the smell of you
I lose your trace in a crowd of aromas
I inhale deep and think I'm free...
But then you breathe upon my neck
And I get high from your scent
It lifts my spirit to the clouds
And I am in love again.
I try to stop thinking about how you feel
Somehow forget your hands on me
I wipe my fingertips' memory clean
I relax and think I'm free...
But then you touch my lower back
And lightening bolts strike the earth
They electrify my very being
And I am in love again.
I try to disregard your taste
Somehow forget your lips on mine
I speak words to give them strength
My last chance to let go and be free...
But then you kiss me hard and strong
And words of passion, now, resound
They echo though my soul
And I am in love again.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Wet Paint

You see the sign that says wet paint
I am.
A work in progress
Almost dry
But not
Quite
Yet.
You see the sign that says wet paint
I am.
You long to touch
Leave your mark
But I
Can fix
the smudge.
You see the sign that says wet paint
I am.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Anymore

These are the last lines I'll write for you.
I've said all the words
Given all I can
They aren't enough
They aren't what I mean anymore.

These are the last tears I cry for you.
I've seen it through
Grown to know
You aren't as perfect
You aren't what I need anymore.

These are the last nights I dream of you.
It's just not the same
Gotten away
I'm free
I'm not in love with you anymore...

Saturday, July 22, 2006

A Place in Your Heart II

I'll hang up my red ribbon
Still your favorite color is blue
History repeating
I ran my race for the finish
I trained all year
But when she hits the pavement
Effortlessly
I struggle.
My lungs inhale fire.
My heart pounds jungle drums.
My feet hold lead.
She cruises the course
Effortlessly
I struggle.
Second place is not a place to you
Maybe I didn't want it enough
At least I wanted it at all
I watch her run ahead
Effortlessly
I struggle.
Just to keep her insight.
She steals your heart whole
I struggle.
Just to place.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Remember, remember this

Think of your wish.
Remember, remember this.
See nature at your doorstep
With a hunger to ask for more.
Know that sunrises are more precious
when you tend to wake-up late.
Believe that belly-laughs are powerful
Enough to break down walls.
Embrace your large family tightly.
All are brothers, summer sisters now.
Understand that love is never waning
as you give it free as breath.
Hold on to this in those dark nights,
Being so far from this home.
When the questions seal your lips
Think of your wish.
Remember, remember this.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Question

How is it the silence breaks;
Why my hands no longer shake!
Who can know and honestly say
Where she is passing on her way.
What does the absence speak to thee
When these question marks completed me?

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Wordsmyth

No word I speak marks word on page
To pronounce what hopes I wish to say.
I would read you poetry if you knew
how much each lyric heavy-hearted weigh.

And people say I read to much
I look for a world beyond my door
And yet no matter what I read
I am still longing for something more.

Perhaps I hold too much tragedy
For tonight I read the saddest lines
When even true love I see can fade
And every fair sometime declines

Yet somehow I love with words so deep
Words of gladness and not of woes
But how my cheek still blushes pink
to think of my love as a damask rose

Words and pride are all I have
when all I breathe is breathing you.
Still I doubt the words upon my lips
Because reading words can't make them true.

Countless volumes cannot help me now
Though countless, say I, is love for him.
Shamed am I to lay down love
And wake Diana with a hymn.

And all my words from borrowed ink
can't spill the secret no one knows.
Three spoken words from tongue and lips
can speak to you my heart's true prose.

I find the choice is mine to make
or to sweep under the rug beneath.
Shall I make our story a happy end
or a happy daggers bitter sheath?

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Poem to a Mute Woman

I tell him
I'm just fine
When I speak no words
that you can hear
I write poems
which you don't read
that call out love
for you.
Will I ever
find
my
voice?
And stop being
Mute
Mute in love
So obvious
Until then
I'll wait for that day
That day when I will
Speak.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The Hole

Digging down to make a life,
I dug one hole and named it.
I stayed at the edge of the hole,
Waiting calmly, yet impatient.
Weeks went by and I forgot
The hole I christened awhile back.
Until I embarked out one day
To follow along a lost one's track.
And though I was the only one
Who named the hole I fell into
Too long ago I named it "love"
And so I fell for you.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Glass

I.

Breathe your life on the glass.
Write her name in the mist.
Question your hopes while it fades,
Clutch your heart inside your fist.

Your brown eyes have seen so little
Comparably, your right brain knows so much.
Still you unearth your dirty doubt
of a soul you couldn't touch.

While your tenacity keeps fading,
like the mist upon the glass,
You continue to ponder loves validity
if indeed it too shall pass.

Wonder aloud I beg you.
O please wonder this to me.
Allow me to be the friend you needed
That your lover could never be.


II.

Beat your chest in mourning.
Give up on love forgot.
Maybe one day you will realize
That all you've given is for not.

But no friendly words can matter
and no touch has felt the same
for you to regain your heart
from its totalitarian claim.

Now her name is gone for certain
from that sallow window pane
But when you see her face before
You shall breathe it out again.

All I ask is for the message
Not on windows but in voice.
Tell me how she made you fall,
whether it be force or choice.


III.

Shatter the glass with your fist.
Yes, the one that holds your heart.
Then release it upon the world
So your new life can start.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Amandla

Paint my mantra on your wrist
to transform the current view
of my weakness in your eyes.
You won't question when I'm through.

Sing Amandla, in a foreign tongue
Hear a chant from long ago
Amandla, memeza amandla!
The seeds of strength I sow

Welcome to my free-land.
Grow grace, pick peace, plant power
To stand up to fear and submission,
A law for hope and not cower.

Sing Amandla, a lover's cry
Dance in the flame of calling
Amandla, memeza amandla!
Through time of trouble falling

Until my declaration dies
among the embers of the past
My grip is unwaivering.
Amandla iculo ami at last.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Light Honesty, Heavy Truth

It's my fault you don't feel the weight
of my fear and heavy hope
playing the blame game with your needs.
But can you hold me to my faultless fear
When you still see her in the corner of your eye
At least from time to time.
While your honesty so lightly said makes me shudder,
I am paying for my bravery; pound for pound.
Now I know I cannot tip the scales
with merely loving you more than she.
'Cause when you smell the summer air
You can feel your fingers across her skin.
Each blue sky reminds you of her eyes
And although my wobbling words are heavy
Her ever lofty airs prevail.
Yet my will grows braver still
Since I finally know you do not read me.
I love you so much I cannot have you.
I have doomed us from the start.
So blame me if you must.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Nothing Better

I can think of nothing better
than the grass between my toes,
or the sunshine on my cheeks
with some dirt upon my knees.

Nothing can be better than
a picnic on the hillside,
feeding the geese white bread
and climbing oak trees.

There is nothing better than
listening to the beach break,
watching lightening crack
the sky still full of stars.

And yet nothing is better than
glowing color on our skin,
A lake all to ourselves
near a rock harbor bay.

I can think of nothing better
than these days I do remember.
How can anything be better
than when I am with you?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Amen

The end of this struggle
At last, the last
Of questions of night
and day, today.
And I kneel to make
my peace. The piece
of loneliness I hold
here. Hear?
This is the end of
wonder. Wonder
aloud to the sky's
blue lie. I lie
on grass to see
the past. Past
my feeble prayer to say
Amen to a man.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

The Bumble-Bee

I saw a bumble-bee today
after a long, long winter.
He is my hope to end the cold
and the promise of the season.
Summer soon, says he, so soon.
He adroitly rides the cool wind
Spreading the pollen dream:
planting possibility in my heart
To germinate in my soul.
So I shall befriend him first,
Invite him with my flora-scent.
Then warmth with follow after
because yellow-black promise he
assures there will be flowers.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

The Hug

O, wrap your arms around me;
Move our bodies closer in.
Can you hear my heart is singing?
'Cause it's the closest we've ever been.

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Saturday, March 25, 2006

Muddled Musings

It just makes such perfect sense
For me to drop my sly pretense
'Cause its such a faultless fit
Even though I won't admit
It to you or to your ear
Even when I see your tear

Crying for just what I need.
All I know is lust and greed.
But now I know you and now
I scared to move somehow
Love is simple when you fall
Still it makes me feel so small

When I'm down here all alone
Could you roll away the stone?
So you can see that this is it
Oh yes, I found the perfect fit.
And still you cannot see
Logic would dictate, you with me

But I know love is not logical
though it's not merely physiological.
Love, I find, is blind
To the thoughts inside my mind
When I try and block the urge
I can't control the sudden surge

Of liquid through my veins
And the sensation still remains
Locked in a state of needing
And neither push is succeeding.
Now I'm waiting for a green light
so I can continue with this sad fight

and maybe know that you can care
Run your fingers through my hair
Whisper something to me soft
and quite being so aloft
Trace the palm of my hand
I am sure you'll understand

Just when you and I collide
To know what I feel like inside.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Your Day

Your day has come and gone,
The one they promised you so long ago.
Did you let it slip on by
Or did you cherish every sigh?
Did you even realize it?

Why are you still hanging on?
Stop look forward to tomorrow
And quit hating your yesterdays.
It's all over and done.
You missed your day.

Still you're living for tomorrow
When nothings promised but today.
So your day is over with.
You have nothing left to miss.
It's your life. Start living it!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I Want To Be the Thought

I want to be the thought
that lingers softly
in the dark shadows of your mind.

I want to be the thought
that makes you smile
when you are all alone.

I want to be the thought
that holds you together
in times of struggle.

I want to be the thought
that smothers you in the night
when we are long apart.

I want to be the thought
that makes you cry
when happiness overcomes.

I want to be the thought
that you never have to question
because I am always thinking of you.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Quicksand

Don't tell me that you've faltered again.
I don't care to here your excuses anymore.
You didn't just trip by accident;
You threw yourself down at his feet again.
I bite my tongue for you just once
when I didn't say I told you so, right then.

That boy is quicksand.
He thrives on your struggle
And the harder you pull
The deeper you sink
you sink
you sink

Can't say you shock me but you disappoint
And I find that I hate him
When the hate I feel should be yours.
It's not my place to be strong for you.
Pull yourself out this time.
I'm no longer your rope, anymore.

That boy is quicksand.
The deeper you plunge
And the more you submerge
You just give in
give in
give in

Won't be moved by your pleas
When the tragedy you love calls
And the one you feel nothing for
Is valued more than your self-worth.
You know what you must do
Is what you should have done long ago.

That boy is quicksand.
Struggle, girl, struggle.
You've already given him all
Now you're gone
you're gone
you're gone

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Poison Rationality

In times like these, Fate chips me,
Whittles away my fortitude,
Bit by stubborn bit of self-resilience.
O, to learn what freedom is
And allow it to fall,
But I am too strong.
I curse my tight grip,
I rue my intensity,
And I hate my might.
Take back your burden!
I carry enough for ten,
Yet you push on more
When I still carry my own.
Doom, you are a cruel tyrant
And Fate, you are a blind lover.
Release me from my duty of strength,
That's leading me to hate.
I haven't known liberty
Since I've known life.
My stomach burns acid,
My heart aches blood and
My brain leaks poison rationality.
Too much, O please, too much.
I do not know what is worse:
The electric-dull pain
Or knowing I will be just fine
If only my eyes would cry.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Ohdee

We carried you home in a big brown box.
I was small and you were smaller.
My black n' white puppy, crying out next to me
in the backseat of our old red van.
We named you Our Dog.
I cupped your small body in my little hands,
Smiling at you in your big box,
I tickled your nose with my long brown hair
And you stopped your crying
Just as, years later, you tickled my toes
with your rough tongue when I cried.
We grew up together;
You grew old alone.


When I was ten, you bite me.
Our brother jumped on you from the monkey bars.
I forgave you the scar on my wrist
before you even begged.
A year later was the fever
that shook our brother late at night.
I held you tight as the sirens sounded,
locked in my room of pink.
We learned unconditional love together;
I learned to say "goodbye" alone.


I remember the first tumor.
I remember when you limped.
I remember the darkness in your eyes
And the first time I called
but you did not come.
I hugged you because I knew.
So I immortalize you with my words.
We learned pain together;
You learned release alone.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

To My Confidant

Move my heart to move
In the direction of my intentions.
Can you help my arms to hold
my love without "I love you?"
What's your reaction to my inaction
When you assure what seems unsure?
Still I speak my truthless speech
And I quiet my disquietude.
O, are you mad at my madness?
I expect that, respect that, accept that.
Because in the end I always reach my ends.
So be strong and give me strength.
I'm sane toward my insanity,
Yes, I believe the unbelievable.
Still you dare me to be daring.
I will do what I must do.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Homoiousion

I love not wisely...
Is it the same with you?
I feel pain sharper.
You hold on longer.
Me too, oh yes, me too.
What makes us so different from all of them?
Strength of character...
Yes, I see.
A bit more perceptive,
Do you agree?
Charmed or cursed, you wonder aloud.
We feel harder, with more force
Ignorance is not bliss
when you know what life is.
So true, yes true...
Let's learn, you and I,
We can't save them all.
Can we save each other first?
I'll die for beauty, brother,
You'll fight for truth.
Do you feel the tide rise...
Yes, do you feel it?
I do, I do.
Stick with me,
Stay strong so we don't settle.
We're not alone when we're together.
Hold these truths tightly:
People like us are a rare breed indeed.
Just nod your head if you agree...

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Evolution

Look backwards through the microscope
A world of bigger things
Or to the blind of naked eye
My gene to code for wings.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Speak Low

Hear me out.
Just listen.
I have something to say
Now I've finally found my voice.
There are no words
but in layman's terms
I'm in love with you so bad.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

(Nameless)

Friend without friendship
With nothing but hot yearnings
Beneifts don't outweigh loss

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Villanelle

How do you feel about your plight?
More than a mother to a broken son
by keeping him in your failing sight.

You feel destiny's bitter bite
When the realities weigh a ton
And his disabilities hold on tight.

And he holds one with all his might,
Your charge, your burden, your son.
Try to break free without a fight.

So you stay up late into the night
Until your work is never done
And yet you still rise with first light.

But where do you draw your delight
When the battle is all but won?
Isn't some happiness still your right?

Yet you don't give up the fight
Until your maternal chore is done.
On the horizon is a light
Move forward, but stay in sight.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Sestina for the Girl in a Blue Dress

There is a quiet sunset on the lake,
where serenely is a girl
in a pale blue, flowing dress
fanned out against the dock,
with polka dots like tears.
She watches the sun go behind the trees.

Her home lays beyond those trees,
A white house across lake
beautiful enough to bring tears
to anyone who knows this girl
or sees her on the dock
wearing her pale blue dress.

A pleasant gift, that dress,
that still smells of evergreen trees,
found lonely on the dock
with its owner in the lake.
Unclothed and unfaltering, the girl
swims in the lake of her tears.

Let no one see your tears
her mother said, fixing her dress.
Woman now, not merely a girl
who scrapes her knees climbing trees.

So she cries into the lake
at sunset, sitting on the dock.

Today, near that old dock,
She shamelessly sheds her tears
while swimming in the lake
without disrepute or her dress,
protected from others by the trees
Embracing who she was as a girl.

She doesn't act like a girl;
now basking in the fading sun on the dock
staring up at the overhanging trees.
Washed clean of tears
and of her formal dress,
Here in her happy place on the lake.

Who can know her eyes have tears
unless they see her on the dock
crying and hiding her feelings in the lake?

Monday, February 20, 2006

Luminary

Who wishes on stars anymore?
Children, I say.
But I do, too. When I look up
and the night is clear
I wish to be far-flung from city's
Glow in your eyes:
A childish nightlight.
The stars are distant, sure.
Distant but real, I'm reassured.
Is there ground for those stars?
They float without direction
Save for their own gravity-pull.
I see a star.
I make my wish.
Is that a shooting star or satellite?


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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I Love Deeper than Pink and Red

I love deeper than pink and red
I love in oranges, greens and blues
I break away from the color code
And think of romance in new hues

I love with more than just my heart
I love with shoulders, knees and hands
I break away from loving one piece
And think of love the body understands

I love more fragrant than a rose
I love in mint, grass and sweat
I break away from the passion scent
And think of a smell I can't forget

I love brighter than your jewels
I love in darkness, twilight and sun
I break away from material things
And think of two that keeps as one

I love in flavors that aren't sweet
I love in bitterness, salt and sour
I break away from the chocolate box
And think of a love I can devour

I love for longer than a day
I love in January, September and May
I break away from the time control
And think of everyday as a love-holiday

Monday, February 13, 2006

Milestone

I was innocent
but I've reached that point

Like a child that waited
Ten years old dreaming
of a sweet sixteen
The birthday came
Still the same person
that I was five minutes
Before.


I was innocent
but I never was pure

A simple question of honesty
now that I can't go back
So I'll go forward
And take with me
what I can carry
Until I reach my end
and a new day
Begins.


I was innocent
but...

Ice thaws
Iron rusts
Mountains crumble
And earths collide

I was innocent
but nothing ever lasts forever.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Grandpa

You sleep in your warm climate
Battle wounds have earned you these;
A little slice of home
on an alligator swamp.
The children visit when they can.
They come from a cold place
you haven't seen in years.
Change to you is moving mountains
but you've lived in many lands;
Waving good-bye to Little Boy,
holding out in bomb shelters.
Freedom from Depression
yet the horrors of the war
your grandchildren see everyday
raised by the black box of flashing lights.
These atomic babies don't grow
in your nuclear families
and the things that you have fought for
are not bedtime stories.
Still there are stories to tell,
but they look at you with haggard eyes
"Respect you elders" falls on dead ears.
Technology's offspring
that share your genes and blood
but they have misplaced your memoirs.
Who said history is written
by the winners of wars?
Or maybe all is lost.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Stupid Girl

Wait for love, she said
It will come, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

He is here, she said
I don't fear, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

It's all right, he said
Stay the night, he said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

It feels right, she said
I'll hold tight, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

Sure there's pain, she said
But there's gain, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

I love you, she said
Love you too, he said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

Good-bye, he said
But why, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

Now he's gone, she said
I was wrong, she said
Stupid girl, we said, silly child

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Evensong

On a beach of shell and stone, to clean soiled body with salted foam
And at the ocean's saline touch I find an eager yet reluctant home.
Alas, the sea repels the touch of flesh and coasts away from land
The water, as well, resists the shore and pushes beyond sand

O farewell, my sea. Farewell to thee.
I shall miss the words you held to me;
Your hushing whisper in the night,
your clean waters and caps of white.

And yet the Sun, she warms the face, the waves of longing failed to subdue
My eyes go wayward from biddable sight to bare the ocean in her view
And thinking, now, as I did then about the water's green delight
I wish to hug the liquid's edge and dive into my love tonight

O farewell, my land. Farewell to you.
I restore the love I stole from you.
Your leafy limbs and live embrace,
Your worshipped earth of soil and grace.

I swim out with the tide, undulating en masse, as if the sea would seethe,
but cannot give all to the heightening tide as long as I still breathe.
The depths encircle my body's frame, and cuddle my closing lung
In fading light and numbing water, my evensong is sung

O farewell, my life. Farewell to all.
My love will catch me as I fall.
And as my rosy heart dies cold
In water's love, I shall unfold.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

If Not for You

If not for you...
I'd still be green
I'd not know love
I'd stay unseen.
If not for you...
I'd be naive
I'd follow blindly
I'd still believe
If not for you...
I'd still hold on.
You may leave but
I'll move on
If not for you...
for me.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Hot Spell

I.

No snow sheaths creation
To lie about Earth's flaws,
just smoky clouds that billow
and tuck away my stars.
The grass begins its turning,
but the time has not come,
Buds peak out of branches
where lights are still hung.
I beg them to hide themselves,
This heat wave will not last,
but nature never listens
She follows her own path.
A frost is coming quickly
It will kill the vulnerable
so I wait another season
for the maturing of my love.

II.

I feel the change in climate
Of a spring that's come too soon.
Every sense echoes excitement
But my calendar stays full.
The changing grass-green,
The sun's impassioned heat
Unquestionable hot spell
leaving my resistance weak.
Muddying warm clarity
As I marvel at the weather,
Seemingly so certain
in this mock-season of change.
But the plants embrace the heat wave
and the animals thrive in packs.
Who am I to question
whether this warmth will last?

Monday, January 09, 2006

On Love and Happiness

When I speak to you
Near dead in the night
Your soul burns out,
but my fire ignites.

The words you say
taste like water it seems.
You can sleep for days
but you don't have dreams

You say you want a love
That will last for all time.
You say you like poetry
but you cannot hear the rhyme.

You place love on a dais
so high you cannot reach.
I tell you what love is,
You tell me not to preach.

"If love isn't enough,
When love is all we got.
You can love somebody,
and still be forgot."

I want you to see it,
Once and for all,
We cannot all be happy
When that final curtain falls.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

[Sighs Run Deep Tonight]

Sighs run deep tonight
As an icy gale cuts through the bare trees
That shiver in the cold.
What secrets lay buried beneath that snow?
Would you melt to see
The love and longing for cherished summer?
The fear of reckoning?
Imagine me, tearing you from winter's embrace.
Endless and hopeless;
That grip may feel to me, the one without
The truth or heat
To melt the smothering white that holds you.
But the mask works
To protect me from the hurt that hearts may have
When feelings lay
Bare and uncovered like the trees around us.
Snow banks cling
To the flowerbeds and my bed stays cold.
Winter continues
As I struggle to bury my love with reason
And sickening snow
To beg the silence of my greedy glances.
I cannot thaw the fact,
For I fear the end of more than snow and ice,
But a light from you
Could be my ethereal melting point...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Decay

When darkness reigned at sunrise there,
Nor' gaily gleamed the lofty moon,
A seed, planted in earthy hole,
Is lulled to sleep by the crying loon

In a womb made of angry ashes
a germ grows from the mixing firth
Conferring life back, forth from ruin
in a tide pool of death and birth.

At lazy lilies, I do not wonder,
too picturesque a path they lay.
Yet, tears I shed in joy and marvel
when the same sad flowers decay

Hence when my rhythmic beating ceases,
'though the birds still sing their songs,
Lay me in the lake made basin
by the willow, green and long.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

To Wait for Wine

He steals grapes from my vineyard,
A bird not the same color
Yet always the same.
Just when they've grown to ripeness,
Juicy and plump on the vine;
A violent purple absorbing sun,
The bird comes to snatch it away.

He guilts me with his hunger
As he tries to thieve my fruit.
So I question my resilience,
Perhaps he needs this more than I.
But it's not about survival
It his gluttony that drives
when he flies over my vineyard
So to red his beak with lust.

Yet this bird, he is persistent,
In his gathering of my crop.
He gorges while I wait
to turn the grapes to wine.
I'll ferment them in oak barrels
as they soak in patience and passion.
But I must pick before the frost.


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Friday, December 09, 2005

A Walking Contradiction

I am here, but I am gone
I am weak, yet I am strong
I am smart, but I act dumb
I have feelings yet I'm numb

A walking contradiction
An oxymoron brought to life
Truth strange as fiction
Getting pleasure from strife

I am powerful, but helpless still
I scare easy, yet I live for the thrill
I am hopeful, but I've lost trust
I am innocence buried in lust

A walking contradiction
An oxymoron brought to life
Truth strange as fiction
Getting pleasure from strife

I change but stay the same
I am wild yet I am tame
I give advice that I don't take
I'm made of glass but I don't break.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Edge of the World

I've found the edge of the world
Right in my backyard.
I have heard the journeys of others to its brink
And learned of their fall to the world beyond.

Yet I have often imagined this scene,
I never imagined I would find it here so soon.
Right where I live, I find it;
The sharp end of the world.

I haven't dared look over the rim.
I'm not afraid,

But I wouldn't go alone.

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Monochrome

White innocence blankets the earth's green glory

Locking all in a monochromatic life
Beauty lies in colors;

Fresh flowers
Sunsets
Fallen Foliage

Save your purity pallid snow
I defy your neutral existence

For as long as I have vision,

I will use your blankness as a canvas for my dreams.
And when you slowly melt away

My dreams will lie below;

Fresh flowers
Sunsets
Fallen Foliage

A reverie made reality.
I will dance in my world of color
Until you wash the earth clean once more with white.

Then I begin again.

Monday, October 17, 2005

The Fall

Changing hues on dead branches,
Color me the leaves of the trees
As I paint the orange horizon.
These are changes he never sees.

The Sun has abandoned me
He pines too much for the Moon.
Now, I only have the memories
of the heat we felt in June.

Without the Sun, I'm failing.
The branches loosen their hold.
I'm carried on the autumn wind
in the brightest shade of gold.

The fall is a sickening spiral.
It's freedom, so why does it hurt?
I land among the other leaves
and together we form the dirt.

I'm whole with something once again.
We're death of love below.
I lay in our freezing sarcophagus
of heartache, ice and snow.


Tuesday, October 04, 2005

A Place in Your Heart

I've tried to work this out.
How you could love her,
When I'm right here
Waiting,
Loving with each breath.
She is who you chose,
The tie-breaker,
The heartbreaker.
I'm stuck with a red ribbon
But your favorite color is blue.
Where is she now?
Moved on to the next race,
Just another competition along the way.
I'm right here,
But where does this leave me?
I won't stay just because I'm here with you,
When she's not.
I was never meant for the gold in this event,
And I guess love just wasn't my sport.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Encore

Click, clop, click
Echo the shoes across the black wood floor...

Empty rows
Staggered, faded burgundy seats in open air...

Darkened stage
Between heavy, red curtain and curtain hang...

Dry atmosphere
Inhaled now as was with lights and costume...

Words linger
And reverberate between the walls and sky...

Light shines
Through the memory to make it real again...

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The Physicist

He feels its weight upon him
Pulling stronger with passing day
Watching the red sphere meet horizon
As the sand is sifted away

The closer he gets to the gateway
The farther he gets from himself
Forgetting those things he memorized
From those faded texts on the shelf

The clear cut equations and order
Have fallen in the cracks of his mind
He never had time to look for
The things he'd been hoping to find

Physics is failing for him
Fading like his fallen fame
Slipping deeper into darkness
While fanning the dying flame

Now the apple is falling upwards
The planets crash into the sun
No tear sheds the cold mother
Nor comfort for her nameless son.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Pine Road

She sits where the street turns
On the grass by Pine Road.
She watches as the cars pass,
Counting
And hugging her knees to her chest.

Spring is dawning,
But Winter's bite still lingers
As nature blooms around her corner.
Changing
And growing when the weather permits

She waits for it to reach to her
From beyond this street
She is not allowed to cross.
Come
And pull up her driveway on Pine Road.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Invocation

If not this, then what?
If not now, then when?
If not you, then who?

Friday, March 25, 2005

A Blank Slate

What horrible things have my ancestors done?
I do not know for sure.
I am not sure I want to know at all.
It was not me,
But that blood runs through me
That same blood that flows through all
the children of the cradle of life;
Diluted by pigment.
White.
Is it absence or all of color?
Empty or clean?
Black.
Perfect or Dirty?
No word satisfies.
Humanity and I need a blank slate.
White or Black?

Friday, January 28, 2005

Understanding

I need more time to think.
Time to form these thoughts
That have been bubbling up from beneath
The surface of my soul for years.
Today I'm one step closer to understanding.
But I still need more time.
I still need an open mind,
Before I can free my soul.
It all makes sense, these bits
And pieces that I have put together,
But it's not finished. It probably never will.

Still, my soul feels lighter than before,
While my mind weighs in. Heavy.
Raised by the Earth; understanding Her,
Loving Her, is why.
How can any mere man tell
Me what He asks of me?
How can denial of the beauties He has given,
Being me closer to His side?
No building of man is the sole house of God.

My soul is on fire!
But not by sin, for fire is like all on Earth,
Inherently good.
It is when good things are taken as a right
Instead of a gift, that the the use of good things
becomes bad.
I understand, but I need time.
I know no mortal who can wield the power of God.
No human with the omnipotence of Him.
Instead all things are too be loved,
All things have an essence,
All things are equal,
But all things will never be understood.
Only God has that power,
For me to even feign it, is hypocrisy,
But I know you won't find it with that blindfold on,
Because the man that leads,
Is wearing one too.

Monday, January 24, 2005

January

Snow lies thin on the streets,
Don't know where snow ends
And ice begins.
Driving toward awkward conversations,
An icy stomach and hot cheeks.
I watch the streetlights;
Red, green, yellow
And red again,
More slowing us down than moving us forward.
The leather seat feels cold
As I try to warm my hands over the vent.
I move nearer to the destination
As our green SUV drives on.
With a sharp turn to the right,
A building bitter, but beautiful comes to view.
We park between a red minivan
And a yellow bug.
Wind changes to a grand room
Warmed by fire but chilled by sadness
Greeting friends with smiles is greeted by guilt
But it's not my fault.
I'm sorry still.
Idol chit-chat, meaningless
But with arctic undertones.
Walking through the line of mourners in black
To shake your hand.
I'm sorry, though it's not my fault.
Wordless as my turn draws near
I stare blankly at the green carpet
But it does not inspire.
"You're so much braver than I,
I'm here for you even though I've been gone.
I'm sorry." It's entirely my fault
That I can't say those words.
A nod and a hug,
Forgive my cold, red hands.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Time Bomb

I look behind me
And see the rubble.
Face forward
Can't see through the smoke
Of smoldering past:
Loved.
Forgotten.
Lost then missed.
Pushing forward past the ruins,
The wasted purity of the earth,
Stained by the bombs.
The ashes rain down on my hair,
While they burn my bridges
So close behind me,
Melting the rubber on my shoes.
Moving forward,
Must move beyond.
Can't escape,
The destruction follows behind.
So quick, I cannot linger.
Onward.
Though the smoke stings my eyes
And the burning tears fall.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Holding My Breath for an Illusion

Once again I find myself lying here
Grasping at the pillow
Buried in the sheets
Don't know how much longer I can wait
I haven't met you
Haven't touch you
I don't even know if you exist
Are you there anywhere
but inside my mind?
Or am I holding my breath for an illusion?
A heart that can love
Without loving anything
Must be destinies for the love that it cries for
But what if I'm not
What if you aren't there?
What if you never come and take me away
Happy endings aside
I need you there
I need someone there so my tears aren't in vain
A man of passion
Of genius, of love
I don't ask for a White Knight, I ask for you
Every flaw
Every scar
A reason for me to love you more
Though it might kill me
I will wait longer
Please, hurry to me. I will die if you don't come.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Maybe

Maybe if
Life was simple
Maybe if you were true
Maybe I could have my way
Maybe I could get through to you
Maybe someday
Maybe now
Maybe, somehow,
You could be
More than just a maybe
To me

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Too Young

I rack my young brain for answers.
Forming opinions
From the experiences I've got.
It's not easy being here
When half the country is against you.
It's hard to make your judgments
With each side
Spewing lies,
Destroying the process
With their infantile games.

I watch the news,
Heated by debate
And fueled by anger.
Half saying the other is misinformed,
While both of them lie,
Like little children
Haggling for candy.
Cheating, shouting and whining again.
No matter the outcome
The pettiness won't end.
Impassioned, yes
But passion misplaced.
To stand against the populace
But not to be attacked,
Is to stand silent, not heard.

Eighteen years
Is eighteen years too young
For such a decision, some say
Yet you're the ones
Who deny others
Their sacred right
You bully, you tattle and you brag
Like kids on a playground
Playing too rough

But I'm to one who is too young.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Saying the Words

Why did it have come to this?
Everything has fallen into remiss
You say that it will be okay
And it's always different the other way

But saying the words doesn't make it so
And here are things you need to know
Our love for you will never change
But the way you're acting just seems strange

The truth is lost behind the eclipse
As you insert words into our lips
Words of which we don't know how
Saying we don't love you now

But saying the words doesn't make it so
There's still so much that we don't know
This all seems fine from you point of view
Doing things you said you'd never do

Please step out from inside the fog
We never said that you were wrong
You say that things are under control
And you're better off on the whole

But saying the words doesn't make it so
You still have so much more to grow
We're not telling you, that you are bad
But you're wasting everything we had

Try to look at it from where we stand
All we're trying to do is understand
We only question for your own good
When you do things you said you never would

I guess saying the words doesn't make it so
We'll just have to work it out as we go...